The Murphy Family Shed[]
♪ Doofenshmirtz's Shed in the backyard ♪
Doof: Ow. Ow. Ow. And thanks for helping me, Vanessa. Ow.
(Doof is sat down with concrete round his neck whilst Vanessa is standing on a table trying to chip it off.)
Doof: You know I really...ow. I learned something today. Sometimes people on construction sites really don't...ow. They don't want your advice.
Vanessa: Almost got it, Dad. (It crumbles, leaving a wedge around Doof's neck, Vanessa leans down.)
Doof: Oh, thanks.
Vanessa (As she gets off the table to chip at the last part) You know, Dad, I think you're spending too much time alone. (Manages to break the concrete around his neck.)
Doof: You're right. I need a friend. An adventure buddy. (Stands up) Like this guy (holds a magazine cut out 'Adventure calls! Don't let it go to voicemail.)
Vanessa: When adventure calls, don't let it go to voicemail.
Doof: Where did I put Norm's head?
Vanessa: No Dad, not a robot. (Pulls out a card.) Look, Perry sent you a card. (Doof takes it and opens it.)
Doof: (Reads) Missing you.
Vanessa: (turns the photo inside round) What about Perry? He was your adventure buddy, right?
Doof: (turns away and walks off) Yeah, was. Past tense.
Vanessa: Ugh, middle-aged drama. Just call him, Dad. (Doof comes back over.)
Doof: (arms crossed) No, no. He's gotta call me first. (leaves shot)
Vanessa: He sent you a card! He reached out first!
Doof: (enters shot) No, he..he needs to call. Like physically call, from, like a landline. (leaves shot)
Vanessa: Whatever. You know he doesn't talk right? (Walks over to Doof, putting her hands on his side) In the meantime, maybe you'll find a new adventure buddy. (kisses her Dad on the cheek, before heading out) Gotta go. Later, Dad.
Brigette: (walking into the shed) Oh, good morning Heinz. Vanessa.
Vanessa: (As she walks past out the door) Hi, Mrs Murphy.
Brigette: (Doof walks over) Milo's letter made Disaster Magazine this month, so I'm gonna go pick up copies for all the grandparents. (Doof waves to Vanessa) Would you keep an eye on Diogee while I'm gone?
Doof: (turns back to Brigette) You got it. I'll be completely aware of Diogee's location at all times. (Diogee gets under a loose panel in the fence behind him) 100%. Cause you can depend on...
Danville Street[]
(Doof is out in the Danville streets)
Doof: Diogee! Here, Diogee! Wow, you look away for 10 to 20 minutes and suddenly...ugh. Diogee!
(A little further ahead, Diogee is sniffing the ground near 2 skateboarders who are leaning against the wall)
Skateboarder 1: Yeah and he hit the raid so hard that his...(spots Diogee) Oh, hey. You wanna try little guy? (Diogee barks and takes the Skateboard, before doing a trick on it) Yeah! Yeah! Better call the vet dog, 'cause that move was sick!
Doof: (coming up panting) Diogee! Can I borrow your skateboard?
Skateboarder 1: Can you do an ollie kick flip like that?
Doof: (standing up straighter) I could, I just choose not to.
Newsstand[]
(Bus moves out the way to reveal, Milo and Zack at a newsstand)
Zack: (reading)..'and I know from personal experience that your description of the sound a tornado makes smashing a piano into a pie factory, was right on the money. Your fan, Milo Murphy.' Wow, Milo, you're a published author.
Milo: Thanks, Zack.
Diogee: (Barking, he does a trick in front of them before continuing on the skateboard, both Milo and Zack look follow him with their eyes)
Milo: Diogee?
Diogee: (Barking as he goes down the stairs into the subway)
Milo: Diogee! (He and Zack take off after him as Doof catches up) Hang on boy!
(Doof, Milo and Zack run into the subway, past Brick and Savannah who are running as Pistachio cart)
Milo: Diogee (Zack, Milo and Doof walk down the stairs)
Doof: Hmm..You know I don't think, I've ever been done here.
Milo: Really? Feels like we're always done here.
Scott (off screen) Greeting surface dwellers.
(Camera pans to Scot, who is cooking something on a toilet grill, whilst Diogee is sat next to him still on the Skateboard)
Scott: You're just in time for lunch!
Diogee: (Barks)
Zack: (As he, Milo and Doof reach the bottom of the stairs) Oh, hey Scott.
Scott: May I interest you in some mystery meat? (flies buzz around the meat)
Milo: I politely decline.
Zack: Not me. I decline without politeness.
Scott: You arrived on the eve of my farewell dinner. (Takes Apron off, Diogee now has some of the meat, takes a sheet off his new boat) Behold! My new adventure boat!
Doof: Wait a minute (takes out the magazine clipping from earlier and holds it up and down in front of Scot. 'Adventure Music' plays every time he holds it up) My adventure buddy. (Walking over to Scott) Er, uh, Scott, do you happen to have room for another adventurer?
Scott: But of course. (Gets out Hard Helmet) Here, we'll be hat twins. (Places it on Doof's head, before walking back to the boat) Welcome aboard.
Doof: Oh, this is great. We're gonna live on the river like (gets on the boat) Huck Finn and Tom What's-his-face. (Milo takes a photo of him and Scott)
Scott: But we must leave now, for the great flood is coming.
Doof: Oh, a great flood. How do you know? Was there like an ancient prophecy?
Scott: (Deep voice) No, the water main's about to blow. (The water main starts shaking)
Zack: Uh, yeah, we'll catch you later Dr. D. (He and Milo take off upstairs with Milo grabbing Diogee, the main bursts, carrying the boat off.)
Doof: Tell Vanessa I found my Adventure Buddy!
Milo: (running up the stairs with the water following) Okay, if we see her. (The water ends up bringing him, Zack and Diogee onto the street outside, Diogee shakes and Milo takes the meat off him, Diogee whimpers before laying down deflated)
Zack: So...tetanus shot?
Back in the Sewer.[]
(Banjo music)
Doof: Wow, this is fun.
Scott: And you get to meet all sorts of interesting people. (takes his hat off) Good day, virtuous school marm, and your book-learnin' youn'uns. (Doof sees it as what it is, a Possum swimming with several babies)
Doof: But, uh, that's just um...
Scott: Bully for you, strangely-attired circus bear. (The 'bear' honks. Turns out to be a rat sitting in a bike basket, attached to a bike floating on rubbish)
Doof: That's not a bear, how long have you been down here?
Scott: No, it's a bear. Look.
Doof: Hmm, maybe if I squint..(squints and see's what Scott does) (gasps) All I have to do is squint my eyes and then everything looks old-timey.
♪ Doof: All I gotta do is squint my eyes
Squint my eyes, squint my eyes
All I gotta do is squint my eyes
And everything looks old-timey
Whenever I feel nostalgic for a time I never knew
I limit the light coming in my eyes, and it's 1842
Doof and Scott: Rollin' down the river at a leisurely pace
where we hang our hats is our home
Like Huck Finn and Tom Whats-his-face
We were born to roaaa-aaa-aaam!
All I gotta do is squint my eyes
Squint my eyes, squint my eyes
All I gotta do is squint my eyes
And everything looks old-timey
All I gotta do is squint my eyes
Squint my eyes, squint my eyes
All I gotta do is squint my eyes
And everything looks old-timey ♪
(Bats screeching as they fly off. Scott plays the harmonica, whilst Doof sits back)
Doof: Ah. Well, if this isn't the spirit of adventure. Just two hat twins with no conflicts, rivalries or mind-games, unlike a certain Platypus I know, who shall remain nameless...but his name is Perry the Platypus.
Scott: (Stops playing the harmonica) Oh, I think someone's waking up from her afternoon nap. (Picks up a brown paper bag) Mildred?
Doof: So, uh, why are you talking to a paper bag?
Scott: That's ridiculous. Who would talk to a bag? (Pulls Mildred out of the bag) What's that Mildred? Who's this fellow with the pointy nose? Why, he's my new buddy. Oh don't worry, Mildred, you'll always be my favourite.
Doof: You, uh, um..
Scott: (with Mildred against his face) Oh, my goodness.
Doof: You know that's a milk carton, right?
Scott: You know you're my favourite.
Doof: Right?
Scott: Don't you act sassy with me.
Doof: I guess, he can't hear me 'cause he's talking to a milk carton. But that's okay. I mean I'n just here sitting here talking to myself, so I get it, that's cool.
Scott: No, you are.
Doof: (leans back) That's cool as long as we can stay best adventure buddies, life is perfect.
Scott: I never looked at another carton.
(Doof pushes Mildred and Scott on a swing)
Doof: So, uh, when's my turn?
(Scott never answers, a little later Doof brings over a drink with two straws)
Doof: Hey, uh, adventure buddy. I made a little something to share. (Scott takes the drink and he and Mildred start 'drinking' it) Um, hey, er, listen. Er, I'm sorry, I forgot your name. But anyway, can't we have a dude's night out, but just me and you like we did before?
Scott: I'm so sorry. We're kind of in the middle of something right now. So..
Doof: (puts his hands up in front of him, awkward) Oh, yes, of course. (Backs up) What was I thinking? So I...we're still good right? Right? Right? (Walks off annoyed, he spots a mop at the front of the boat.) Ah. (Transition flip, Doof has now made something out of the mop) Hey guy? Allow me (Scott and Mildred turn to face him) to introduce, Stephanie, my girlfriend. We have so much in common, it's ridiculous. I mean, seriously we're like, we're both skinny and we have clumps of hair and we both, (glances around as he thinks) like buckets and er...well I guess that's about it. Skinny. Clumps of hair and we both like buckets. (Scott and Mildred look to each other) That's enough to build a relationship on, right?
Scott: (Deep) You, you realise that's a mop right?
Doof: And she's a milk carton! Your girlfriend is a milk carton that someone has drawn a smiley face on. I can only assume it was you.
Scott: Mildred says go sit in the dinghy.
(Flip transition)
(Doof is now in the 'dinghy' (which is bath tub with frog feet) over the water, sulking)
Doof: Where does Mildred get off telling me what to do? Doesn't she know who I'm not yet? I'm Professor Time, that's who I'm not yet. (grumbling) Miss Cardboard, no spill spout. (there's a crash and Doof falls backwards)
(The boat goes over some increasingly rough water, Doof screams as he thrown around in the dinghy, part of the top of the boat comes off)
Scott: Whoa! Whoa! (another part of the boat gets caught on something as it's left on it's side dangling over the 'waterfall.' )(Screaming, Mildred slips out of his hands) Mildred!
Doof: No! (jumps in after Mildred, he grabs her before they both go under)
Scott: (As the boat is starts to slip) No! Mildred! (Doof reappears holding up Mildred, as the boat starts falling)
Doof: Uh-oh. (The boat lands on him and Mildred)
Scott: (gets up) (gasps) Mildred! Mildred, where you are? (Mildred is held up by Doof, who is still under water) (overjoyed) Mildred! You're safe! (Takes Mildred from Doof) You've been saved! (Doof goes back under water, before hauling himself up)
Doof: Yeah, you're welcome.
A Little Later[]
(Doof is sat with a towel round him and his hair, whilst Mildred has her own)
Scott: Mildred says, she wants you to stay.
Doof: Well, that's nice of you Mildred and I'd like to, 'cause you know, this was fun. But uh, the truth is, I've been feeling a little bit like a third wheel.
Scott: But you're not a third wheel.
Doof: I'm not?
Scott: No. You're like some other vehicle all together. It's a like we're a bicycle over here, and then somewhere over there, you're a unicycle just going 'round in circles and juggling, in a frantic grab for attention. But we don't even notice you unless you drop something and then it's just an annoyance. What I mean to say is...we want you to stay.
Doof: Well, as much as I love meandering speeches, the truth is, it's time for me to go. (Get up, one towel falls over whilst he pulls the other off, pulls out a stick with a 'sack' on it) Tell Stephanie it would have never have worked out between us. (Gets off the boat, towards some stairs) I'm a rolling stone, I gather no mops.
Scott: (Now holding Stephanie as well as Mildred) Oh well, you can always stay here, Stephanie. (Glances at Mildred, a little take back by her response) What?
On the Murphy's Street.[]
(Doof is walking along.)
Doof: Oh, who needs adventure? That's just asking for drama. What I need is a place where people accept me for who I am. You know a place where they don't mind if I spread out and do my experiments. And then, you know maybe a place where there's a strong parental presence (walks into the Murphy's Living Room) and maybe some children to lighten the mood. And a young boy who shares my penchant for diaster. But, ugh, but where on Earth would I find such a place? (Realises he's in the Murphy's living room, where Martin, Brigette, Milo and Sara are sitting on the couch, with a convenient gap in the middle of the adults and children, throws the stick down and sits down, everyone leans away) Ah! I'm home. (Diogee jumps on his lap and asks for a belly rub, Doof obliges) Hey look, I found the dog.
(Instrumental version of the intro music sting)