Danville Day Camp[]
(Scene opens up on Danville Day Camp For Unusual Activities with Milo, Zack and Melissa riding up on their bikes)
Milo: Here we are.
Zack: Trapeze class? Advanced puppetry? Look, whatever happened to horseback riding, or archery?
Melissa: Come on Zack, try something new.
Milo: Yeah. You never know when a new skill might come in handy.
Zack: Okay, see, yeah, I sincerely doubt that artisanal crayon making is ever going to come in handy, but okay.
Milo: Hmm, sounds like it’s time for a montage.
Melissa: Bring it on. (She and Milo fist bump.) Boom!
(Song: Time to Try Something New)
♪ I've been stuck in the groove ♪
♪ Of the same old neural pathways ♪
♪ Got to add a little something ♪
♪ More spicy into the mix. ♪
♪ Everyday it seems the same, ♪
♪ It's like a month of Mondays. ♪
♪ Time for this old dog ♪
♪ To get a bag of new tricks! ♪
♪ Time to shake it up, ♪
♪ Switch it out, ♪
♪ Looking for a big breakthrough. ♪
♪ Time to try something new! ♪
== Octalian Ship ==
("Meanwhile, Nearby..." appears on the screen with a black background.)
(Scene opens up on the crashed Octalian Ship.)
Cavendish: Cavendish Rogue Log 7204. I’ve tried to show this ship to the authorities 37 times to no avail. But the least I can do is try to find the person I saw abducted, and help them. I’m going to attempt to search the ship’s records for any clues.
(He starts pressing buttons on the control panel and in the background a wall moves to reveal a cage with a giant alien in it. As he presses more buttons, the cage opens slightly and then closes again.)
Cavendish: Odd. I can almost smell alien secrets about to be released.
(Cut back to the camp)
Camp Instructor: Hey. You three all signed up for the pogo stick hiking excursion?
Zack: It’ll be nice to do something comparatively normal after the other activities.
Camp Instructor: Just stay on the path and never leave my side. These are called The Easy to Get Lost and Die In Woods.
Melissa: Um, I guess they named them that ‘cause they’re easy to get lost and die in?
Camp Instructor: I never connected the name with the fact that they are easy to get lost and die in.
(CRASHING, SCREAMING)
Instructor: The screams of woodland creatures reminding us that nature is a harsh mistress.
(Cut back to the ship)
(WHIRRING)
Cavendish: Pressing random buttons always worked on my video player and coffee pot.
(The giant alien is able to escape the cage, walk up behind Cavendish, and start growling.)
Cavendish: Gah! What the…
(The alien roars)
Cavendish: Perhaps I should scream now. Yes.
(Cavendish screams)
(Cut to Milo, Zack, and Melissa pogo-stick-falling down the hill)
(All 3 of them are screaming)
Milo: This is making a smoothie of my stomach.
Melissa: Phew.
(They see Cavendish getting dragged out of the spaceship, screaming.)
Zack: A UFO?
Melissa: An alien monster?
Milo: A… Cavendish?
Cavendish: Get your filthy tentacles off me.
(SNIFFING)
(GROWLS)
Milo: Guys, rescue routine number nine.
(ROARING)
Zack: Chill, Mr. Giant Cyclops thing. We’re gonna go now. Please don’t kill us.
Cavendish: Don’t move. There’s no telling what it might do.
Melissa: So what do we do? Try to tame it and bring it home as a pet?
(SNIFFING)
Cavendish: I’m responsible for letting him out. If only I had a rope… Oh, thank you. I may be able to gently lead the creature to…
(Cavendish screams as the alien runs off, dragging him on the rope.)
Milo: Where is he going?
Zack: Duh! To… (gargled screaming)
Melissa: Sounds good to me.
Milo: Come on guys, follow those gargled screams.
Cavendish: (screaming) Slow down!
(Cut to a small clearing in the woods where 4 men are unloading boxes from a jeep. The leader of the group is giving orders to the other 4.)
Leader: Alright, men, set the survey equipment up right there. My toxic waste disposal company has come here to dump waste into the Danville Woods. When this job came up, no other waste company would even touch it. This stuff is that dangerous. And if I didn’t take this contract, absolutely nobody else would have. They all laughed at me. Well I’m the only one laughing now. All the way to the bank with that fat check for the money I’m gonna get for dumping this stuff right here. (laughs) You feel that, men? That’s the feeling of profits rushing right at us.
(The giant alien runs out of the woods, still dragging Cavendish on the rope. The other 4 men run away screaming but the leader gets stomped on.)
Leader: My hand! How am I supposed to be able to sign my contract and dump the toxic waste here?
(The giant alien crushes the boxes of equipment and then stomps on the leader again.)
Leader: My leg! How am I supposed to be able to carry all those barrels of poisonous toxic waste up that hill and dump it here in the Danville Woods?
(The giant alien knocks over the jeep and once again stomps the leader.)
Leader: My other hand! How will I unscrew the tops of the toxic waste containers and dump them out here in these beautiful, pristine woods?
(The giant alien crushes their RV and runs off into the woods. But along the way he knocks over a barrel of fuel which runs into the jeep and explodes, causing the jeep to fly in the air and land on the leader.)
Leader: Okay, maybe I deserved this.
(The giant alien stops at a river and Cavendish falls in.)
Cavendish: Well, at least the water is moderate…
(Then the alien runs into the river and pulls Cavendish away. Milo, Melissa, and Zack pogo stick up to the river and stop.)
Milo: I’ve got just the thing.
(Milo pulls an inflatable raft out of his backpack and blows it up. Then they all get in while carrying their pogo sticks. Meanwhile the alien is on the other side of the river and keeps on running.)
(Cut to Trucker Ted driving his truck and talking on an ear piece.)
Trucker Ted: Well, Enid, you might not believe it, but I’m hauling a load of giant ducks.
(He leans forward like he sees something in the road, slams on the brake, and swerves the wheel.)
Trucker Ted: What! (screams)
(The tires screech as the truck starts turning sideways and the giant inflatable ducks end up falling into the river and floating away.)
Trucker Ted: Enid, you’re not gonna believe what I’m seeing right now. A raccoon walking on its hind legs. Like people.
(Recurring Raccoon runs by in front of his truck.)
(Cut to Milo, Zack and Melissa rowing the raft across the river as the giant ducks float towards them.)
Zack: Murphy’s law. 6 o’clock.
(The ducks run over their raft and knock them into the water. So all 3 of them grab onto ducks and start using their hands to push them to shore.)
Zack: Uh-oh, mine’s got a leak.
Milo: It’s okay, I’ve got duck-tape.
Zack: Not in the mood, Milo.
(Cut back to Cavendish being dragged by the alien.)
Cavendish: (screaming) Just stop already, please stop!
(Cut to a different group of men setting up survey in the woods with a different leader.)
Leader: Alright, men, set the survey equipment up right there. My development company has come here to clear cut the Danville Woods. I’m about to close a deal that’ll turn this entire forest into a desert. Desert land theme park. People will come from miles around to see my beautiful desert. Beautiful deserts need turtles. We’ll shave the local beard and put shells on ‘em. We’ll shave the eagles and put shells on them. The other developers all laughed at me. They said, “Why would anyone pay to go to a desert land theme park when there’s an actual desert only 6 miles away?” Well, I’ll be the only one laughing now when I start charging the locals a small fortune to come see this place.
(Crows caw and fly out of the trees in the background while the men are laughing.)
Leader: You feel that, men? That’s the feeling of profits rushing right at us.
(Once again, he giant alien runs out of the woods, the other 4 men run away screaming, and the leader gets stomped on.)
Leader: My hand! How am I supposed to be able to sign my contract to cut these woods down?
(The giant alien crushes the boxes of equipment and then stomps on the leader again.)
Leader: My legs! How am I gonna be able to carry away these trees of that I’m gonna cut down for my desert land theme park?
(The giant alien knocks over his car and once again stomps on him.)
Leader: My other hand! How am I gonna be able to shave all those bald eagles to put shells and disguise them as turtles?
(The giant alien crushes their RV and runs off into the woods. But along the way he knocks over a barrel of fuel which runs into the jeep and explodes, causing the jeep to fly in the air and land on the leader.)
Leader: Okay, maybe I deserved this.
(Milo, Melissa, and Zack run past the clearing and see what the alien did.)
Zack: I haven’t seen this much mayhem since Milo went to the monster truck rally.
(Cut to a third clearing in the woods where a crowd is watching the Mayor sign a Danville Forest Protection Act.)
Mayor: Hi, folks, it’s my honor as your mayor, to be here today to sign this paper into law, protecting this beautiful valley from polluting and over-development. This law, once signed, by me, right here, will protect this majestic forest and all the animals, like this spying friend of mine right here, that call this beautiful valley, home. All I have to do is sign this piece of paper on this table.
(The crowd applauds.)
Mayor: I just wanna say again how important it is that I sign this paper, right here, right now. Because this forest and her beautiful creatures need to be protected from the forces of no good, that would do harm to it. If anything were to happen to me, or my writing hand, this law would go unsigned, and we all know the dangers this forest would face. There is literally no one else in our local government that is authorized to sign this law. You feel that folks? That’s the feeling of good deeds coming right at us…
(Creature shrieks)
Mayor: Have no fear, creature passing by harmlessly. You and your home are now protected.
(He signs the law and the audience claps again.)
(Meanwhile the giant alien ends up running into Danville Day Camp For Unusual Activities and trying to eat a table full of hamburgers. Instead the hamburgers go flying through the air and land on a camp instructor teaching 70’s Style Aerobics.)
Instructor: Disco squat. Disco squat.
(The people in the class all run away screaming as the giant alien runs up to the instructor and grabs him in its mouth then pulls him out with its paw. The instructor no longer has hamburgers on him, but his wig falls off from the alien holding him upside down. Then the alien throws him onto a trampoline.)
Instructor: I’m saved!
(But he bounces back towards the alien and ends up getting caught in the rope, which is now tied around the alien, along with Cavendish.)
Instructor: Oh no.
(The alien screeches and starts running again. So Cavendish and the instructor introduce themselves to each other.)
Cavendish: Cavendish.
Instructor: Greg.
(Milo, Melissa, and Zack walk into the camp and see the alien running around all over the place and Zack also ends up tied in the rope.)
Milo: I got an idea. We can use all the new skills we’ve learned.
(Milo starts spinning a plate on top of a stick.)
Milo: Zack, distract him. Shine it on the plate.
Zack: I’ll use the new skills I got from my feet dexterity class.
(The alien continues running around and snarling. Then Zack shines the light on the plate which reflects it into the aliens eye, making him stop. Melissa jumps on the trampoline and flys onto the alien’s back to untie everyone.)
Melissa: Keep it going, guys. Whoo!
Greg: Thanks for the help. Your feet are really dexterous.
Zack: I know, right?
(Milo, Zack, Melissa, and Cavendish lead the giant alien back to the UFO using a trail of sausages on the ground. Once they get him back into his cage, Cavendish presses the control panel again to close it. Milo and the gang all celebrate and cheer.)
Milo, Zack, and Melissa: Whoo!
Milo: Wow. I don’t remember that cage the last time I was here.
Cavendish: Milo, what are you talking about?
Milo: I’ve been on this ship before. When I was abducted by the aliens.
Cavendish: (gasps) That was you? I saw that abduction. I’ve been trying to find and rescue that abductee, and it was you the entire time.
Milo: Apparently.
Cavendish: Huzzah!
(A part of the ship falls because of Murphy’s Law.)
Milo: I better get out of here. Last time I was on board, Murphy’s Law nearly wrecked the whole ship. Anyway, we’ve gotta get back to camp.
Cavendish: Oh, yes, yes, absolutely. Don’t want anything more to happen to it. Scoot, scoot. You children pogo home.
Zack: Yeah, have fun with the UFO.
Melissa: Bye.
Cavendish: Cheery-bye.
(He walks back over to the control panel.)
Cavendish: Oh. So they abducted him and then they just let him go. It was… it was probably just a case of mistaken identity. They probably thought he was a cow or something. Wait.
(He looks towards the area where the piece of the ship fell off the wall.)
Cavendish: What’s that green light in there?
(He walks over to that part of the wall and realizes that it opens to a secret compartment. He walks inside and sees that they have a bunch of different pictures of Milo.)
Cavendish: (gasps) Great googly-moogly. They didn’t think he was a cow at all. They were after him specifically. And from the looks of this, they’re coming back to finish the job.
Cavendish: I've got to warn him.
(He turns around to run out of the room but he hits a security ray and gets encased in a block of ice, trapped in suspended animation.)