Dog Walker, Runner, Screamer/Transcript

(The episode starts in space. A small alien device which looks like a comet flies pass the Earth, bounces back on the moon. Then it's bounced like a bowling ball by some asteroids before falling to Earth and falls through the sewer.)

(Cut to Jefferson County Middle School. Elliot is doing his duty as a volunteer crossing guard.)
Elliot: Okay everyone, we're not gonna have any accidents today. Everybody's just gonna stay safe and... (some ducks passing through him) Whoa! Duck Alert. (the big duck glares and scares Elliot before it goes away) Back! Back, you foul beast! And I mean foul in both senses of the word. (spots Bradley throwing a football) Hey! Hey, you kids! Stop that! You're gonna put somebody's eye out.

Bradley: With a football?
Elliot: Football's a very dangerous sport. You'll never know what could...

Chad: Heads up, guys!
(Elliot dodges but the ball lands on Bradley's hands safely.)
Elliot: (takes the ball from Bradley) Agh! Give me that. You can't just go tossing this thing around when Milo is standing right over there. (A bunch of rugby players smash him next to Milo and Melissa.)
Milo: Are you okay, Elliot?
Elliot: No. I injured my... Well, I guess my everything.

(In the sewer, Cavendish and Dakota are cleaning up trash.)
Cavendish: Honestly, this is the absolute worst job for a well-dressed gentleman.
Dakota: Yeah, well maybe you should take that hat off when you come to work.
Cavendish: This hat is the only thing that keeps me from looking like a complete heathen.
Scott: (passing through while wearing a hat that looks like Cavendish's and holding Mildred) Nice hat!
Cavendish: Thank you! See? That could have been a disaster.
Dakota: (looks at a glowing thing) Hey, where do you think this thing came from?
Cavendish: Hmm, I have no idea. (picks it up) Why do you suppose it's glowing?
Dakota: I don't know, maybe it's radioactive.
Cavendish: (terrified) Good heavens! Here! You take it.
Dakota: Oh, no way. You take it!
Cavendish: Get that thing away from me!
Dakota: Nuh-uh! Finders keepers!
Cavendish: Well, you're the one who found it!
Dakota: Hey! It's making us float.
Cavendish: Why is it causing us to levitate?
Dakota: I don't know, but look at me! Look at me! I'm an astronaut.
Cavendish: We've just discovered an unidentified alien object with anti-gravity properties. Oh! I feel like Sir Isaac Newton. (The object flies away.)
Dakota: Anti-gravity? Wouldn't that make you the opposite of Sir Isaac Newton? (They both fall. Cavendish lands on the sidewalk while Dakota lands on the water.) Whoa! No surprise. This feels even grosser than it looks.
Cavendish: That wasn't space trash. It's something far, far more important. With this discovery, we'll finally get big promotions. We have to catch it.
Dakota: Yeah, I might also be sitting on a rat.

(Cut to the hospital, Milo visits Elliot who's in a full body cast.)
Milo: I'm sorry you got hurt, Elliot. Just so you know, all the ducks are perfectly fine.
Elliot: Oh, great. Kick me when I'm down. Is there a reason you're here?
Milo: Is there anything I can do to help you out?
Elliot: Aside from moving to another state?
Milo: (laughs then realizes he's serious) Oh, you're not kidding.
Elliot: Actually, there is one thing you can do. But you can't mess it up!
Milo: Great! What is it?
Elliot: Well, I have a side job as a dog walker. And it's very important to me. Especially since it's the only job that actually pays me.
Milo: So you want me to walk them for you? I love dogs! And dogs love me!
Elliot: You just need to pick them up after school and take them to the dog park to play "Fetch".
Milo: Easy-peasy, Pekingese! Mmm?
Elliot: Yeah, dog joke. Good one.
Milo: You rest up and I'll take care of it.
Elliot: But remember to wear shorts because Beauregard likes to chew on pant legs.
Milo: Beauregard chews pant legs. Got it. (leaves the room)
Elliot: Well, that was weird. Milo was here and nothing bad... (the bed folds and smashes Elliot) Okay, there it is.

(Cut to Milo visiting house to house and watch the dogs for their owners.)
(Song: "Wag Your Tail")
♪ You're hot off the kennel ♪
♪ so you know you should be feeling alright ♪
♪ You might be tall gone diet ♪
♪ but your bark is much worse than your bite ♪
♪ (yeah) ♪

♪ You got to wag your tail ♪
♪ You got to show the world you're happy ♪
♪ If you want everybody to know ♪

♪ You got to wag your tail ♪
♪ So if you're feeling good, get out there ♪
♪ And shake it, shake it, to and fro ♪

♪ You got to wag your tail ♪
♪ (Show the world you're happy) ♪
♪ (Show the world you're happy) ♪

♪ (You got to wag it there) ♪
♪ (You got to wag it there) ♪

♪ (Oh yeah) ♪

♪ (Show the world you're happy) ♪
♪ (Show the world you're happy) ♪

♪ Let's got down to the park ♪
♪ because now's the time to have some fun ♪
♪ Don't unleash yourself ♪
♪ unless you're really getting ready to run ♪
♪ (getting ready to run) ♪

♪ You got to wag your tail ♪
♪ You wanna send me a message ♪
♪ Don't you text me on the telephone ♪

♪ You got to wag your tail ♪
♪ If you can give it just a little shake ♪
♪ Come on baby, throw me a bone ♪

♪ You got to wag your tail ♪
♪ (Show the world you're happy) ♪
♪ You got to wag your tail ♪

(Meanwhile, Cavendish and Dakota try to grab the levitation device flying around and all the way to the Subterranus. They pass through Scott and Mildred)
Scott: (asks Mildred) Would you like to watch some non-functional TV?
(Dakota succesfully catches it)
Cavendish: We got it!
Dakota: What do you mean 'we'? It looks like it's... mostly me over here. Whoa. Oh! (then the device flies and brings Dakota along)
Cavendish: Oh, good job. Hold on to it, Dakota! (talking on his phone) Yes, I'd like to speak to Mr. Block. Fine. I can hold. ("Chop Away at my Heart" plays during the holding time and Cavendish dances along the music. Later Dakota hits and rides Cavendish)
Oh, hello, sir! Something remarkable has happened while we were picking up trash. We found a small glow... Excuse me? Oh. Oh, yes. Oh. I'll hold.
Dakota: (lands his face on the ground) Ow, my eye! Ow! Ow!

(Back to school where Chad and Bradley play throwing a baseball)
Chad: You know, it's kinda peaceful without Elliot yelling at us to be careful not to put our eyes out! (his phone rings) Hold on, I got a text. It's from Milo. (Bradley suddenly throws the baseball far away) Hey, what the heck, man?

(The baseball enters a car factory. It's delivered to a sprayer which turns it to silver, and other two robotic hands putting nails on it. The other two see it passing through and discuss)
Right hand: I don't think that was a car.
Left hand: Keep your head down or we'll get replaced by a human. See, that's ironic because we are taking humans jobs.
Right hand: I understood the sarcasm. What do you think I am, a Model 3?
(They laugh and then stop)
Both hands: Kill the humans.
(The baseball rolls on the hill beneath the factory, stopping beneath a bench Milo is relaxing on)
Milo: Such a beautiful, quiet day. It's almost like nothing can go wrong.
(Meanwhile, at Rocky's Boulder Storage, a worker controlling a forklift accidentally releases a round boulder)
Worker: Oh! Guys... guys, my boulder.
(The boulder rolls and chases other workers. It rolls on the same hill and comes towards to Milo)
Milo: Uh-oh.
(Milo dodges it, but a tree falling makes the ball jump into the sky)

(Back to the underground, Cavendish and Dakota are hanging on the above surface)
Cavendish: No! No! Please don't put me on hold again, I... ("Chop Away at My Heart" plays again until the boulder hits both of them. The alien levitation device then flies both Cavendish and Dakota, this time in the sky)
Milo: Cavendish? Dakota (he and the dog are levitated) This is new.
Dakota: Milo, help!
Milo: Hang on, guys! I have an idea. (Milo then ties all the dog's ropes and make all of them one. He whistles to Beauregard) Beauregard! Pant leg!
(The Beauregard follows Cavendish's pant leg and jaw it in his mouth. The device can't leviate Cavendish and Dakota any further)
Cavendish: No! This mongrel has me by the hem. Unjaw me, beast!
(Milo pulls the rope effortly. The device turns off and stops levitating everyone. The device falls out as well, but it replaces the baseball beneath the bench and makes it on sight)
Milo: Hey, what's that thing?
Cavendish: That is the culprit that caused all of this kerfuffle. (holds the baseball) Come on, Dakota! Let's get this thing home and call Mr. Block immediately!
Milo: Okay, guys, see ya later! Thanks for the lift! Get it? 'Cause you... (no reply) Yeah they didn't... they didn't get it.
(The device floats in front of Milo before flying into space completely)
Milo: Okay, that was weird even for me.

(Cut to the Strip Mall)
Bob Block: (offscreen) Hello, gentlemen! What's up?
Cavendish: (inside the rented room) We have wonderful news for you. While we were cleaning up garbage for P.I.G., we came upon this! (Bob Block takes a closer look at it) It's an alien sphere with anti-gravity properties! Watch! (Cavendish drops it, but nothing happens)
Bob Block: Yeah. That's a silver baseball.
Cavendish: But, but, but...
Bob Block: Oh, you two just keep trying, don't you? You know the only way you can become full agents is to discover an alien species or alert us to alien activity that we don't already see. (laughing) And we have eyes everywhere!
(Dakota is seen smiling at Cavendish while he's frowning)
Bob Block: Thanks for the laugh, though. You guys are hilarious.

(Milo brings the poodle back to its owner. It makes doe eyes at Diogee as a goodbye, and he doesn't take any of it)
Milo: (holding Diogee) Well, Diogee, that was an eventful day, wasn't it? I'm gonna tell Elliot about our job well done. (takes out his phone and calls Elliot)
Elliot: (at the hospital room) Milo? What happened? Do I still have a job?
Milo: Relax. Everything's fine. We had a wonderful day at the dog park and all of the dogs have been returned home.
Elliot: Really? Everything's fine? Amazing! I never thought I'd say this, Milo, but... thank you.
Milo: Anything for a friend, Elliot. (cuts off the call)
Elliot: (impressed tone) Well, how about that? Milo did it. He actually saved my job. Maybe things are changing for the... (the duck comes back and opens the door, stading outside Elliot's room) No. Back, you foul beast! (cut to outside the hospital) I mean it both ways! (the duck attacks and he screams)
Milo: And you, Diogee, thank you for helping me out. I know you looked like you weren't having fun but deep down, I think you had a good day.
(The poodle looks back at Diogee outside the windows. He winks at the poodle, causing it to faint. Diogee then falls asleep on Milo's shoulder)
♪ It's my world and we're all living in it! ♪