Murphy house[]
(The Murphy are gathered around a table eating breakfast, Milo gives Diogee his sausage.)
Sara: So, It's been weeks now. When are we going to do something about Doofenshmirtz?
Milo: We are doing something; we're waiting for him to become Professor Time.
Sara: He's way overstayed his welcome.
Milo: I don't know, I kind of like him living here.
Sara: Well, he's driving me insane, He never leaves the house and he's constantly getting into my business.
(flashback)
Sara: But Neil, that's why Time Ape has a clock for a head.
Doof: (phone) Yeah, duh.
Sara: Doofenshmirtz, how are you listening in on this call? This is a cell phone. (It's revealed that Doof is sitting a nearby chair with listening equipment.)
Doof: Yeah, you're kidding, right? (Sara screams in frustration.)
(Present)
Sara: I have to make a Time Ape costume by the end of the week for drama class and I'm way behind because he's always interrupting. (On cue, Doof pops up from under the table fiddling with one of his inators.)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, you notice how I let her finish before I sprung up there so I don't always interrupt her?
Martin: Hey, what you got there Doof?
Doof: It's a Reconstitute-Inator. I bought a bunch of raisins, I wanted grapes but I can't seem to get it to work.
Sara: Hey, those are some pretty nice Doctor Zone pajamas there. I have limited edition curtains just like those.
Doof: Pretty sure you mean had. (Sara realizes he made his pajamas out of her curtains and starts screaming.) Wow, she sounds upset, here, have a muffin. (He shoves a muffin into Sara's mouth.) Kids like muffins.
Brigette: So Dr D, have you got any big plans for the day?
Doof: Ah, just the usual eight hours (Sara is looking mad at him with her arms crossed.) or so of sitting on the couch, staring out the window. It's a busy day.
Martin: (after taking a sip of his drink.) You might want to open the blinds this time.
Doof: Oh, I just thought it was really beige out there.
Milo: Maybe you should go outside and get some fresh air today.
Doof: Oh, I can't do that.
Sara: Sure, you can. You totally can!
Doof: Nope. I'm waiting for Destiny. I don't want to be out when it knocks.
Milo: Destiny knocks?
Doof: (walking behind Sara) Oh, wait that.. maybe that's opportunity. Opportunity knocks (pulls a chair up), destiny does something else (sits down) It calls, or texts or it rings the doorbell. (knocks the muffin Sara dropped on her plate off her plate) I don't know. (Start's eating Sara's breakfast, before stealing the whole plate) Either way, I've decided to be pro-active in the least active way possible until I become Professor Time.
Milo: But you can't just sit and wait to do great things. You gotta get out there and practice.
Doof: Ehh, that sounds like, like effort.
Milo: I could take you on our bi-weekly field trip to the science museum. Afterwards, Mom could take you to the animal sanctuary. They're always looking for volunteers.
Martin: (pointing to himself) Yeah, and then I can take you to the power plant with me. Nothng like a safety inspection to get the blood pumping. What do you think, Doof?
Doof: Well, okay, but if Destiny comes by, you tell 'em where I am, all right?
Sara: (dances) ♪ He's leaving, he's leaving. ♪ (notices the expressions of everyone else) Oh. ♪ I'm sorry, that's rude. ♪
Danville Science Museum[]
Guide: (Monotone voice) Welcome to the human digestive system. Just like the small intestine absorbs nutrients, your young minds will absorb the knowledge being imparted to you in this slow deliberate tone (squeaking as Doof plays with the Reconstitute-Inator, it then sparks) Follow me.
Doof: I think I'm just gonna go buy some grapes. (throws the Reconstitute-Inator and it fires at a Triceratops skeleton) The Reconstitute-Inator is too much work. (Dinosaur growls as it walks off the display)
Guide: (Monotone voice) This is the entrance to the alimentary canal.
Doof: Man, this guy really makes biology...what's the opposite of come alive? Go, go dead? Basically he kills Biology.
Zack: This looks like my old "alimentary" school.
Melissa: (punches Zack in the shoulder) No puns.
Zack: Totally worth it.
Guide: (Monotone) Up here it begins it begins to narrow into the oesophagus. (Zack stops) Nature's trash can.
Zack: Uh-oh. (Melissa, Doof and Milo stop and turn back to Zack)
Milo: What's wrong?
Zack: I'm starting to feel weird and claustro-avoidant.
Doof: (walks up to Zack, phone in hand) Oh, lucky for you, I've got an app for that. Here you go. (presses phone)
Woman on App: Relax, take a long deep breath.
Zack: (inhales deeply)
Woman on App: And hold it until I tell you to let it out...(they continue walking again, Zack still holding his breath, before dropping to floor)
Doof: Oops, sorry. I must've hit the pause button. (Presses phone again)
Woman on App: Slowly release your breath...
Zack: (gasps as he gets up) (freaking out) I gotta get out of here! (runs past Doof, Milo and Melissa whilst heavily panting) Where's the exit?
Melissa: Where's the exit to the human digestive system? Seriously?
Zack: (whimpers as moves back to the others)
Doof: Wait, I know how to get out of here quickly. All right, somebody grab some corpuscles and I'm gonna pry that liver off the wall. (Doof, Milo and Melissa go to work, Doof grabs the liver, whilst Melissa and Milo the heart, before getting a few Red Blood Cells.)
(Song: We Gotta Drive)
♪ We got four corpuscles, a heart, and a spleen
We can use a little plasma for some gasoline
The liver's gonna keep the engine clean
Don't need to operate to operate this speed machine
Can't stop just to ask for directions
We gotta get out of the lower intestines
Gotta drive
(Drive)
We gotta drive
(Drive)
We gotta drive
(Drive)
Drive
Drive
Drive
We gotta drive
We gotta drive ♪
(Go-Kart crashes and everyone cheers)
Guide: (monotone) All right.
Milo: (still cheering after everyone else has stopped) Hoo! Hoo! Hoo! Hoo?
Guide: (monotone) Who's responsible for this?
Doof: (already away from the group) Yeah, I'll uh...I'll see myself out. (walks into the wall as he attempts to leave, coming back seconds later ticket in hand) Do you guys validate? (Leaves with Milo, Melissa and Zack) I'm sorry, I ruined everything. (sits down) Maybe I should go back to my sitting on the couch and starring out the window plan.
Milo: You can't! You're better than the couch! (Brigette pulls up)
Brigette: Hey Dr D. Are you ready to go?
Doof: (gets up) All right, I'm off to the nature center. (gets in car) Hey, Mom, can we swing by the store? Gotta pick up some grapes.
Brigette: Not your mother. (the pair leave)
Danville Nature Center[]
Sally: A few rules for the newbie volunteers. Do not touch the animals. They are majestic beings with souls.
Doof: Sweet. Will there be otters? (pulls out clams) 'Cause I brought little clams with little rocks. (pulls out rock) So that they can open them 'cause I...I can't get them open.
Sally: The only animals at this facility are raccoons. (Doof shakes hard, breaking the clam and rock) You got a problem with raccoons?
Doof: They bring back bad memories.
(Flashback to Doof in a tent in the woods, he comes out of the tent to see a bear eating his picnic)
Doof: Oh. It's a bear. Huh, well maybe it's bears that I'm afraid...(Raccoon shrieks as it flies at his face, pushing back into the tent, he screams as the pair fight in the tent) Ow! Ow! Ow, my spleen!
(Present)
Sally: To help the raccoons adjust to the wild, (opens door to reveal a trash filled alley way) I have recreated their natural habitat. (Raccoons appear from their hiding places)
Doof: (screams and points) He's using his hands like people! (puts arm down) None of you find that even a little bit creepy?
Sally: Look, all we do is prepare nature's little vandals (picks up a Deborah Sue) for re-release into the wild.
Doof: (goes to large garage like door) Why didn't you say so, I can release them into the wild. (pushes button and the door opens) Run free, trash rats! (The raccoons all run towards the door) That's it! Get out of here! There ya go! (Including Deborah Sue)
Sally: (Everyone takes off after the Raccoons) No! Deborah Sue, come back to me! (the volunteers attempt to wrangle the Raccoons, one filming, Doof just watches. One of the volunteers screams under multiple raccoons all over her). What have you done?
Doof: I released them into the wild. What?
Sally: We gotta get 'em back inside!
Doof: In, out? Make a decision.
Sally: (pointing inside) Inside!
Doof: (pulls out a whistle) Ooh, I can help with that! Drusselstein herding whistle. (blows whistle, rumbling and pigs run through a fence, one with Deborah Sue on it's back) They're mostly used for pigs. (Runs off) Uh-oh. Pig Stampede. (Sally gets trampled) Run from the Pigs!
Murphy House Living Room.[]
(Sara has nearly finished her time ape costume)
Brigette: That looks wonderful, honey.
Sara: Thanks.
Brigette: Well, you don't have to worry about Doofenshmirtz bothering you because he's down at the (gets cut off by her phone ringing, answers) Hello?
Doof: (on phone) I'm being chased by pigs! Help me!
Brigette: Doof, where are you?
Doof: (runs through the front door pigs in tow) I'm in the foyer! Now I'm in the living room. (leap frogs the fabric basket, the pigs squeal and pick up Sara's costume) Now I'm going out the back door.
Sara: My costume!
Danville Power Plant.[]
Martin: Being a safety inspector comes with a lot of responsibility. (lights blink on and off) One small mistake could create an enormous disaster. (he and Doof walk into a room with a button and a sign that says 'don't ever push button.') With your science background, a job at a place like this could be exciting and exercise that flabby greatness muscle. (machine trilling)
Doof: Sounds good, Dad. Can I call you dad?
Martin: No.
Doof: (spots button) What's this button do?
Martin: This button here floods the generator with coolant in emergencies. (loudly) It costs millions to repair, so don't push it.
Doof: You want me to push it?
Martin: No, don't push it!
Doof: Okay, I'll push it. (pushes button)
Martin: No! (ducks)
Plant worker: Don't worry. That's the decoy button, incase anyone's dumb enough to push it. The real one (camera points to button near the soda machine) is next to the soda-machine over there. (plant worker goes to push button)
Doof: No! (pushes the worker out the way, Martin and 2 plant workers clap) Oh. Heh. Well, why, thank you, thank you, I'm... (Removes hat and accidentally presses button as he bows. Alarm blares) Sorry, Dad.
Martin: Not your dad. (Water gushes out of the top of the plant.)
Murphy House Living Room.[]
(Doof is sat on the sofa in a dark room, Sara walks in dressed as Time Ape (minus the head))
Sara: Hey Dr D. What are you watching?
Doof: I don't know it's just a sad man, sitting on a couch in the dark, it's uh.. it's just terrible.
Sara: You know the tv is not on, right?
Doof: (groans)
Sara: Listen, I know you've been feeling really bad about.. you know.
Doof: Driving you crazy and messing things up for everyone, while failing to become great?
Sara: Um, yeah. I mean, it was nice to get my costume finished, but after a while I kind of, missed your annoying presence.
Doof: Aw. That's the sweetest mean thing anyone's said to me. (Door bell rings and he answers it)
Destiny Summers: Hello, Mr Doofenshmirtz. I'm Destiny Summers from Channel 4 News.
Doof: Huh! (looks at the camera) Destiny does ring the doorbell.
Destiny: (leads Doof outside) Dr Doofenshmirtz there's some people here who'd like to see you. (Doof screams when he sees who it is, the plant worker, Sally and the Guide. He runs behind a bush)
Doof: I can't see you, you can't see me.
Destiny: (goes over to bush) Dr. D, I think you have it all wrong. Listen to this.
Guide: (Monotone) Our digestive tract exhibit used to be the least popular in the museum, but then Dr Doofenshmirtz made it into an exciting ride by turning the liver into a go-cart. Now people are lined up around the block. Thank you, Dr Doofenshmirtz. (walks away)
Doof: (rises out of bush) Wow, thanks. (whispers) I've never gotten a compliment that's that boring.
Sally: (Walks over with Deborah-Sue) Since the video of the incident you caused when viral, we have recieved thousands of donations. Me and Deborah Sue really want to thank you.
Doof: (Deborah Sue escapes her carrier) Aw think nothing of it. (screams as Deborah Sue attacks him)
Sally: (pulls Deborah Sue off) Deborah Sue, let go of him. (Walks away with the Deborah Sue back in her carrier) She must smell your raccoon.
Doof: Yeah, that's...that's probably it.
Plant Worker: (walks over) The doctor visited the plant and caused the generator to be flooded. Turns out the generator was actually overheating and the warning system had failed. You averted a possible explosion (flashback of the plant workers checking the generator's temperate in ankle high water), that I could have been blamed for. (gets trophy from off screen) We'd like to present you with the Danville Hero of the Day trophy. (Accepts the trophy, and everyone is cheering from the street.)
Doof: (overwhelmed) Oh, wow. I am overwhelmed, I'm well, maybe not overwhelmed. Maybe I'm just the right amount of whelmed. I guess I should thank, the Murphy Family, Milo and Mom and Dad.
Martin and Brigette: Not your parents.
Doof: But mostly, I'd like to thank Sara. If she had not had such a low threshold for my eccentricities, I'd still be wearing her curtains and sitting on their couch. It reminds me of a story..(music cuts him off) Eh, wait, what? What really? You're playing me off? All right, okay. Looks like I'm all out of time. Thank you Danville I love you. Group hug Murphys. (He and the Murphy's share a group hug)
(Bushes rustle and a dinosaur appears eating leaves)
Doof: Oh thank goodness, when I heard those bushes rustling, I thought it was a raccoon.
♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it.♪