The Murphy's Backyard[]
(Milo and Melissa walk out drinking Lemonade.)
Milo: So, what did you think of the lemonade?
Melissa: It’s um...It's really bad Milo.
Milo: (scratching his head) Yeah, maybe I should've used lemons.
Zack: (as he comes through the hedge) Guys, guys! Hey, guess what? My uncle is leaving for an agricultural conference. And he needs somebody to do his farm chores today.
Melissa: And that someone is you?
Zack: You sounds like my dad. He didn't think a city boy like me could handle it.
(Flashback)
Marcus: You? A city boy? Handle it? I don't think so.
(Present)
Melissa: Okay (puts her drink down) I'm not sure that was worth a whole flashback, but...(rolls eyes)
Zack: Anyway, I'm going and I thought maybe if you guys didn't mind getting your hands dirty.
Melissa: Are you kidding? I'm gonna document (lifts her phone up) the whole thing. (leaning into Milo) Can you imagine Zack with real pigs? All that squealing. Zack, not the pigs.
Zack: (glancing at his phone) Pretty sure this thing with the udder is a cow. (shows the phone to Melissa)
Melissa: That's a goat, man. (takes the phone back)
Milo: Yeah, this is gonna be fun.
On Cornelius's farm[]
Cornelius: Zack! My favorite nephew. Bear hug (He and Zack hug)
Zack: Hey, Uncle Cornelius. (lets go and points to Zack and Melissa) There are my friends, Milo and Melissa.
Cornelius: Welcome, kids. (pulls Zack close by the shoulder) Listen Zack. Are you sure you're gonna be able to handle all these chores?
Zack: My dad said the same thing. He doesn't think I can handle it 'cause I'm a city boy.
(Flashback)
Marcus: You? A city boy? Handle it? I don't think so.
(Present)
Cornelius: Huh. Not sure that was worth a whole flashback.
Melissa: (chuckles) Right?
Cornelius: Well I sure do appreciate you kids helping out. Here's a list of chores (gives Zack some papers) Gotta run. See you at supper time. (Gets on his tractor, as he leaves) Watch where you step. It ain't all mud.
Zack: (looking at the papers) First on the list is milking a cow, with my hands! Just kidding (holds up phone), I got this. I watched a video tutorial online.
Milo: Yeah, that's a guy making pasta.
In the Cornfields Nearby.[]
(Cavendish and Dakota are in their van with Cavendish driving)
Cavendish: This is just ridiculous, we're completely lost. I'm going to call Mr. Block and find out exactly where we're supposed to be. (stops and rings) Mr Block, sir. It's Cavendish and Dakota, we can't seem to find the address.
Mr Block (on phone) Well, look around and tell me what you see.
Dakota: (looking to his right out the window) All I can see is corn.
Mr. Block: You're there (flashes up image of 'alien' artefact) and you're looking for this. It fell off a passing UFO and landed somewhere in that corn field. And please, remember to have fun. (hangs up)
Dakota: What's not fun about corn?
Cavendish: Really? You throw away the outside, you cook the inside, then you eat the outside of the inside, then throw away the inside of the inside. It's stupid.
Dakota: I wasn't really expecting an answer to that...(spots something out the window) Hey, look there's a gate! (its plastered with signs telling people to leave) Let's go in there.
Cavendish: Okay, let me handle this. I know exactly what to say to gain us entry. (pushes bell which rings)
Farmer: (on small screen) Who are you and what do you want?
Cavendish: (tips hat) Yes, hello sir. My associate and I were wondering if we could have a look round your property-
Farmer: (cuts Cavendish off) What are you looking for?
Cavendish: We believe there may be an artefact there.
Farmer: What artifact? What are you going on about?
Cavendish: Well, you see it's of alien origin and we work for an organisation-
Farmer: (cuts Cavendish off again) Alien?
Cavendish: Well, yes, you know little green men?
Farmer: You're looking for aliens?
Cavendish: Well, not exactly. We believe that they dropped something in your-
Farmer: (cuts Cavendish off again) ) Oh, I get it. You heard about aliens flying around here, and you wanna stake out my place and get a photo so you can sell it to the tabloids. Well, I didn't just fall off the turnip truck.
Cavendish: Well, I didn't mean to...
Farmer: (cuts Cavendish off again) Well, I did fall of a truck once, but there were not turnips in it.
Cavendish: Yes, I suppose that must-
Farmer: (cutting Cavendish off) Electronics.
Cavendish: I'm sorry what?
Farmer: That's what was in the truck I fell out of. You see my brother in law works for..
Cavendish: Yes, if we could just circle back to the point here. You see my friend and I-
Farmer: (cuts Cavendish off again) Look, you. If anyone's getting a photo of a little green men to sell to the tabloids it's me. My corn, my photo, now git! (hangs up)
Dakota: You didn't say 'please.'
Cavendish: What?
Dakota: You should've said 'please.' Couldn't hurt, you know. Be polite.
Cavendish: (Sighs and presses the bell again)
Farmer: I told you to git! I'm not letting anyone on my farm, except those aliens.
Cavendish: Would it make a difference if I said....please? (gate buzzes and they open, Cavendish and Dakota move to the opening) How about that Dakota? I should've just said 'please' in the first place. (A water hose on a wheeled stand rolls out and sprays him and Dakota, sending them backwards, they slide down their van now soaked.)
Dakota: You should've said 'pretty please.'
Cornelius' Barn.[]
Melissa: Okay, Zack, here we go, door number 1. (The barn door opens) Milking the cow (her, Zack and Milo hold their noses).
Milo: Oh, yuck, what is that awful smell?
Zack: Well, according to the internet, it's farm.
Melissa: (Spots the cow as the 3 walk up to it) Oh, here we go. What do you think, Zack? Is this a cow?
Zack: Yeah, very funny, Melissa.
Melissa: (holds up phone) I'm gonna record this for posterity's sake.
Zack: (sits down on stool and rolls up sleeves) I saw how it's done on the video. Okay. Just grab the udders like this and gently sq...(a cat meows as Zack pulls it by the feet) What that's not right. (puts cat down) And gently- (chicks churp as he pulls them up) Sure, sure, why not? (he puts them on his shoulder and they climb down, he goes back a 3rd time) and gently squeeze...(ends up squirting milk his mouth, he screams as it does) It went in my mouth!
Melissa: Zack, it's milk. (Milo looks like he's about to laugh)
Zack: I know, but it just came right out of the cow!
Cow: (Moos - translated) City boy.
Zack: (still screaming) It went into my mouth....
Milo: (spots milking machine) Hey, look a milking machine. (He and Melissa walk over to it) I wonder how we missed that. (finds a note) Oh, and look. Instructions. (reading) One, use the milking machine. That's all it says.
Melissa: Okay Zack, you no longer have to use your hands.
Zack: (having calmed down, he grabs the milking part of the milk machine) Okay, no problem. I'll just put these on...(sighs, he pulls the same cat up again who meows, he shakes it lose and it meows loudly. Finally he get them on the cow's udders.)
(The milking machine sparks and whirrs as it hits the reverse, a light blinks loudly as the machine rumbles, it empties the milk out through the windows and open door. Melissa cleans her phone to reveal Zack has milked the cow)
Zack: (holds up bucket) Despite Murphy's Law, I still did the chore.
Cow: (moos: translated) Why don't you help the pigs now?
Milo: (reading) Next, check Old Face Kicker's back horseshoe.
Melissa: (raises finger) Question. His name is Old Face Kicker?
Milo: It's a little bit of an exaggeration.
Melissa: Really?
Milo: Yeah, he's really not that old.
Zack: (Raises his finger) Um, as a follow-up question, does that mean that this chore ends up with someone being kicked in the face?
Milo: (reaching into his backpack) Don't worry about it. I brought face protection. (Takes out two baseball like helmets)
Zack: (doing the chore) Oh, hey look. It's just a little rock. (flings rock off) That was easy.
(It rolls across a wheel barrow, flinging out before knocking a shovel which leave a wooden board under a ladder into the ladder, which lands on a rope on the ceiling).
Zack: Wow. Looks like we got a free ride on this...(the ropes opens the hatch above them, dropping a load of hay, Zack gives a thumbs up from under it) Whatever, I finished the chore. (Melissa takes a photo)
In the cornfield nearby.[]
(Cavendish and Dakota dry themselves off. )
Cavendish: Looks like he's not going to let us in.
Dakota: Wait, remember what the farmer said?
Cavendish: No.
(Flashback)
Marcus: You? A city boy? Handle it? I don't think so.
(Present)
Cavendish: What was that?
Dakota: I have no idea, I think it was somebody else's flashback. Anyway, what the farmer said was that were the only ones he would let on his property were the aliens. So...
(Cavendish and Dakota are now dressed as Aliens)
Dakota: Ooh..(rings the doorbell a couple of times) Oh, great. He's not even there. (Cavendish crosses his arms) Come on. Let's just climb the fence. (He and Cavendish climb the fence.)
Cornelius' Farm[]
Milo: (Reading from the list) Next, 'build a scarecrow using the benign deluxe scarecrow assembly module provided. '
Zack: (lifting a hay stack) Okay, will do. (Milo activates the machine, it makes one successfully, before the control panel sparks, sets the alarm off, the machine goes into hyper speed and grabs Zack) (gasps and screams as gets thrown onto the conveyor belt, he attempts to avoid it by running, but eventually trips over and is dragged into the machine.)
Milo: (As he and Melissa watch Zack inside screaming) I guess 'benign' is a relative term. (Zack is flung out the other side as a scarecrow).
Zack: Whatever, I finished the chore. (Melissa and Zack come over, a Crow lands on Zack)
Melissa: You are the chore (Takes a photo)
Milo: And as supper time approaches, we reach our final chore.
All: Stop the pigs.
(Zack feeds the pigs, a piglet decides to come up to Zack)
Milo: (chuckles) The little guy likes you.
Melissa: Well, you found a friend.
Zack: (picks up the pig) Aw, look at the smelly little guy. (pets the pig, who oinks happily) I'm gonna call you Stinky McStinkelsteen.
Melissa: Say Oink. (takes photo)
Milo: (in front of the Chicken coop) Well, you know what they say. "Life on the farm is filled with- (the chicken coop suddenly explodes, sending Milo and the chickens flying, they knock Melissa into the food tough, the Pig freaks out when it see's Milo with antlers and covered in eggs and feathers.)
Zack: No. (The pig runs, Zack looks to Milo and Melissa) Y'know, Murphy's Law used to be alot more nuanced and complex. Now stuff just explodes. (They take off after the pig)
In the Cornfield[]
(The farmer in a tower spots Cavendish and Dakota dressed as Aliens.)
Farmer: My Alien Plan worked. Well I'm gonna get me some pictures and sell 'em to the tabloids. (jumps down from the tower, he takes off)
Cavendish: We'll never find it...(the head to his costume falls down) blasted ill-fitted costumes. (pulls it back up.)
Dakota: Well, excuse me. They were the only alien costumes I had in the van. (His falls down too) Wait, I think that's the thing up there. (There's a pig sniffing at the object they're looking for.) Wela, alien trash. (The pig runs away up Zack's leg, and threw his top to rest in through the neck hole. ) Look, the alien trash.
Cavendish: (he and Dakota reach down to get it) That's it. (they look up and see Milo, Melissa and Zack all messy, and the pig squeals)
Dakota: (pointing as both groups back from each other) the Aliens! (all scream and run off in different directions)
♪ Don't know what you want from me
Don't know if we need a referee
But I go down this road cause it's the
path of least resistance
Do you wanna run this race?
Baby, you just name the time and place
And I'll be there
I'll be there
Cause I can really go the distance!
But if I chase you, and you chase me
We just go 'round and 'round and 'round
I could pick a better use for our energy
If we can find a common ground
It would be nice if we could compromise
and simply just agree
Yes, it would be nice, but in actuality...
I chase you, you chase me!
Until the cycle stops repeating
it looks like I'm gonna take a beating
but I'm not throwing in the towel
No, it's just an observation
Don't know if we're ever getting out
We're just stuck here in this roundabout
but I can do this all day long
This exact same conversation!
But if I chase you, and you chase me
we just go 'round and 'round and 'round
I could pick a better use for our energy
If we can find a common ground
It would be nice if we could compromise
and simply just agree
Yes, it would be nice, but in actuality...
I chase you, you chase me! ♪
Cornelius: (Arriving back) Well I'll be dog gone, you not only did all your chores, you harvested the corn. Not sure about your fashion choices, but we'll make a farm boy out of you yet.
Zack: (holding the pig) Yeah! Oh thanks Uncle Cornelius. That's, uh...that's how us city boys roll.
At Zack's House[]
Marcus: So Zack, how'd you get along at Uncle Cornelius' farm? (It's revealed everyone is in the kitchen with Eileen and Marcus)
Zack: (with his phone) We had a great time, Dad. (shows photos) We milked the cow, took a stone out of Old Face Kicker's shoe, slopped the pigs. Made some scarecrows and we harvested the corn.
Marcus: Just the three of you?
Zack: Yup.
Marcus: I'm very impressed. (holds up 'New Alien Times' magazine) But when did you have time to pose for this picture?
♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it. ♪