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Season 1

“Diogee, go home!”
—Milo Murphy

“Life has a strange way of working out!”
—Milo Murphy

“You know what they say: Sticks and stones can damage your vital organs, so always wear body armor.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I find it doesn't help. Just hurt the larynx”
—Milo, commenting about screaming[source]

“My dad always says: What doesn't kill ya only makes you late for school.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Oh, look! A vitamin C tablet. What? It's cold and flu season.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I'm really looking forward to seeing some paleontology, archaeology, all the "-ologys" really.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I'm sure it'll all work out.”
—Mio Murphy[source]

“I never understood why people need a rally to get peppy. Does that make you feel peppier?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I haven't been to a game since. I do get nice thank you notes from the team though. You know, for staying away.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You know what they say: Whatever breaks our eggs, only helps our egg-dropping contraption to use what we know of gravity, inertia and weight distribution better.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I'm helping by not helping.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Well, that's the thing about Murphy's Law: it's unpredictable!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Ice cream and cake? Correction: This is better than the best birthday ever!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“But what if I want to be an ophthalmolic laboratory technician?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“And some of these don't even sound like real jobs. Animator? I think it's a typo. But what if that is a real job? How will I ever decide?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Ah, the great outdoors. The sky is blue, the fields are wide open... It's just so peaceful”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You can't keep danger away, but why seek it out?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“And my seat cushion doubles as a flotation device and a spare spare spare, spare.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Sometimes the interruptions are half the fun, and sometimes they're mind-bogglingly terrifying. I can't wait to see which one this is.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“It's probably Murphy's Law, it does tend to keep you on your toes. Just turn into the skid, we'll be fine.”
—Milo, comforting Mr. Brulee[source]

“That's what I love about vacations, going with the flow.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“It's like my dad always says, "Family vacations are the only trip you take where you go away to get closer to what you already have."”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You know, no matter how many times I come to Lard World, I'm always surprised how much fun you can have with rendered pig fat.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Guys. I think you know, and I know, that it's time we went on the scariest lard based ride, Greased Thunder!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“To be fair, from above my head does look like mahogany.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I've been taking a cooking class at the local community college, or at least I was, till the ovens blew up. But I learned a lot. So I'm going to cook dinner for you guys!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Too late, it's already ready already. Here you go! Mac and cheese.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“No, everybody wait. Don’t you see? Before we were playing on an uneven playing field. It was physically even but it was figuratively uneven because the middlemen had time to practice and we didn’t. But now the field is literally uneven which makes it figuratively even for us because I’ve spent my entire life learning to deal with things that are uneven, physically! None of these guys have had to deal with Murphy’s Law. I have! Which means that we have! Are you with me?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I know! I got to hold a grenade launcher.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Wait a minute. The three phases of matter. We can turn it into a solid.”
—Milo, figuring out how to defeat the sentient blob[source]

“Well, it’s just like my dad says: "All’s well that ends with a sentient blob making a teacher remember why she loves teaching."”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I’m looking for the boy who’s been thwarting our mission time and time again. The enemy agent.”
—Cavendish, referring to Milo[source]

“You might not want to... use a 10-watt power-strip for a 50-watt line.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Yeah, he can operate a fuse box. Big whoop.”
—Vinnie Dakota[source]

“I'm preparing for all of the above. Plus, electrical fires, building instabilities, or llama stampedes.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I thought you said the "Just relax", and something; I don't know what the rest was. I got carried off on a shopping cart.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“He's a wise and mysterious force who guides us on quests toward enlightenment.”
—Milo, referring to Fred[source]

“It's like my dad always says, "The only way out is through a creepy dark corridor."”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“My dad always says, "When one door closes, there's usually access through a vent in the roof."”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Melissa, this is a 1901 Vandervert Douse Master 4! This has dozens of unique innovations for fighting fires! For example, the water tank back here has a wind turbine that spins while you're driving! That way, when they got there, they'd have enough pressure to shoot the water all the way up to the third story! There's a pneumatic secondary braking system on the back... The first ever ladder that was actually attached to the top of a truck... And look, the bell has a little string so you can ring it by hand... I guess that's not as impressive as the rest of it, but over here, it has an in-dash radio! And radios weren't even invented yet! And this truck also has the distinction of being the first ever to have a Dalmatian as a mascot. It was a truck like this that saved my grandfather after he accidentally ate all those balloons!”
—Milo, excitedly demonstrating the 1901 Vandervert Douse Master 4[source]

“Now there's something you don't often see, a wheel of giant corn-dogs passing you on the street!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Yes, but the Pistacia vera is a very sturdy wood. That should leave me enough time to tell you about the seat-belts.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“My backpack! Guys, we gotta go back for my back...pack. Whoa. Are we time-travelling?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“So where are we going? Or, should I say, "When?"”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Wow, if it wasn't for that peach, we would have stepped out there and gotten caught.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Well, I just try to be prepared, you know, Murphy's law!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Wait: the guy who invented time travel was named Professor Time?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Hey, pistachions! You can't get us; you're too busy doing photosynthesis!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Melissa, Zack, my backpack, Sara!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“We're in the girls' bathroom.”
—Milo, covering his eyes.[source]

“But, whatever will we do, Doctor?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

His movies taught me that when something's in your way, it's not a problem; it's a challenge!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I have no plans to eat your soul. I was just hoping to find an autograph.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Wow! I love nature — when it's not on fire. The trees, the skies, chirping birds, the fresh smell of leaves, the cruel indifference of larger animals devouring smaller animals, the pine-cones, the flowers, and the annoying nibble of small woodland creatures that have no idea what personal space is. Ah. Isn't this the perfect spot?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I'm gonna sleep like a log. Or any other sleepy, wood-based object.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You know, us Murphys love the sea. My great-great-grandfather was the captain of the S.S. Murphy. But it was lost.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“My old weather almanac. According to this, there will be a super-mega-high tide which only happens once every fifty years.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Like my dad always says, "School is a mix of reading, writing and fiery explosions."”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“They'll understand one day when they have... us.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You guys will have the backpack, and I'll have my motivational mantras, like this one: "Don't stop swimming, or you'll die." Or maybe that's just sharks.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Oops! Gotta go! You know what they say: "If everyone's running, they're probably running from you!"”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You can do it, guys! The only thing we have to fear is harpoons and Feeding Frenzy!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Come on, guys! It's time to go full Megalodon! Nothing can break your bones when you're cartilaginous! That's not a seal; that's a surfer!”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Did you guys know those plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Previously on Milo Murphy's Law. When time travelers Cavendish and Dakota saved a pistachio plant at my school, that plant grew up, became sentient, and took over the future! I guess whatever can go wrong, really does go wrong! Luckily, we were able to defeat them here in the present, thus saving the future from a vegetary dictatorship. But the crazy thing is, we found out that I was in an episode of Doctor Zone from 1965 — before I was born! And I sent a letter from 1965 to my friends in the present. How did that happen? Stay tuned for this episode of Milo Murphy's Law!”
—Milo, narrating the episode[source]

“We'll ask the questions, scumbag. Just give me an excuse, punk! Let me at him! I'm gonna... I'm gonna, whoa! I'm watching you, shrimptoes!”
—Milo, interrogating furiously to the intern[source]

Season 2

“Who keeps a clock in their backpack? Huh, that's just weird.”
—Milo, talking to Dakota[source]

“Anything that can go wrong near me, usually will.”
—Milo, explaining Murphy's Law[source]

“It's like my dad always says, "When life crushes your lemons, stitch the rinds together to make a helmet!"”
—Milo, taking out a helmet made out of lemon for Buford[source]

“LET EVERYBODY GO! Then we'll... y'know, figure something out together.”
—Milo, confronting Derek[source]

“You know, it's always great when you help create the show you've loved all your life.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Anyway, it's always good to be prepared, because when you're not, the chaos wins.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Zack, it's okay. I get plenty scared sometimes, but I learned from my dad to forge ahead, even if I'm terrified.”
—Milo, comforting Zack[source]

“Diogee, go home. Oh... I don't care.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

Bonjour, senor and senorita. Welcomen in Anna's Restorante. Konichiwa.
—Milo, talking in a mixed foreign accent[source]

“I've never been able to get a school photo. It's like I don't show up on film.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You know, w-who needs a photo when they can have a day full of great memories made with the best friends in the world.”
—Milo, referring to Zack and Melissa[source]

“It doesn't matter who wins or loses. The important thing is that we finished the game and that we won the gratitude of the spaghetti people.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“You're a danger, a hazard, a menace, a peril and several other synonyms.”
—Milo being described by Elliot[source]

“Yeah! We went on a roller coaster, we went underground, and we spun a UFO like it was a top.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“But listen, I'm gonna load up my backpack more carefully than ever. We'll be so super prepared, that when things go wrong... I'll be ready for them.”
—Milo comforting Amanda[source]

“Oh, I had the most horrible dream. They were making a Krillhunter movie without Tobias. It sounds so silly now in the light of day, but it seemed so real.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“As my dad always says, "You can put lipstick on a pig."”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“Uh, wait, Mr. Director? Won't making Tobias the villain cause some continuity problems since Tobias was the hero of the franchise for all those years? Can you really just wedge him in without some really substantial changes to the canon and the new script?”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I don't know, I kind of like him living here”
—Milo Murphy[source]

“I've choreographed your routine like I pack my backpack. I'm preparing you for any eventuality!”
—Milo illustrating to Brigette and Martin[source]

“Wait a minute. You can't quit. This is bigger than winning or losing. This is about facing your fear! This may be hard, but the world ain't all kittens and rainbows.”
—Milo saying to his parents[source]

“Anyway... As dad always says, "Keep your eyes and ears open, and end with the double boogie.”
—Milo Murphy[source]

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