The Pistachions (sometimes spelled as Pistashions) are a race of sentient, humanoid pistachio plants led first by King Pistachion, then later by Derek. They are determined to overthrow the human race, and are the main antagonists of the Pistachions Arc, specifically in "Missing Milo", "Fungus Among Us" and "The Phineas and Ferb Effect". They have been defeated and eradicated since.
Pistachions resemble giant, humanoid pistachio plants, with their faces most closely resembling the pistachio nut itself. Regular Pistachions are larger than humans, with relatively thick, branch-like bodies. They tend to be brown in color, with green highlights around the waist area and thick foliage growing around their shoulders and elbows. The wood of their lower legs and feet is thicker and darker in color than that of the rest of their bodies, and they have large, red eyes and sharp teeth.
As sprouts, they're much smaller than regular pistachions; barely the size of a human hand, although they still resemble the older members of their species. They retain these forms throughout their youth, simply growing in size rather than appearance.
Both King Pistachion and Derek eventually became full sized Pistachions. At this size, they become much larger than their kin, and their forms become more slender by comparison, with the majority of their leaves gathering around the chest area. A large clump of foliage grows from the top of their pistachio heads.
The Pistachions have a variety of skills and abilities unique to their species, which they utilize in their attempts at overthrowing the human race.
- Vines - Pistachions can shoot long green vines from their hands, which they use to capture and attack their enemies. They can also turn their regular arms into vine-like appendages to interact with objects or people.
- Super Strength and Durability - Pistachions are extremely strong and durable, hitting like a tree. This makes them nearly invulnerable to many things, safe for at least three exceptions Woodpeckers, Uric Acid, and Orange Soda
- Pollen - Pistachions can grow small flowers from their hands. When the pollen is blown into a human's face it causes them to fall unconscious.
They are vulnerable to uric acid, as well as environment-unfriendly orange soda like that of the discontinued brand of Wyatt Burp. Both generations have therefore been eradicated using dog pee and orange soda, respectively.
- Woodpeckers - Like almost all of the trees, Pistachions are vulnerable to woodpeckers. In "Missing Milo", Milo blew his woodpecker whistle to summon the birds. The woodpeckers hurt King Pistachion by making holes in his "skin".
- Uric Acid - The uric acid itself is an ingredient to dog pee. When Diogee does his business on the small plant that would turn into King Pistachion, it shrivels up and dies.
- Orange Soda - Like all plants in the world, Pistachions die when getting in contact with a certain brand of orange soda. It's an environment-unfriendly orange soda from the brand Wyatt Burp, which was discontinued in the 70s. The Lost Dakotas still produce orange soda in the same way.
|King Pistachion|| Original Pistachion and the Sentient Blob|
Leader of the first Pistachion army
|Derek|| Only remaining member of King Pistachion's kin|
Leader of the second Pistachion army
|Giant Pistachion||Member of Derek's army|
|Jerry||Member of King Pistachion's army|
|Dennis||Member of Derek's army|
|Brandy||Member of King Pistachion's army|
Notable Tools and Objects
|King Pistachion's Time Machine||While the Pistachions are ordered to confiscate everything that could make time travel possible in order to prevent the timeline from being changed, King Pistachion himself owns a personal Time Vehicle, to be used in case of emergency.
One such emergency was when Milo, Dakota and Cavendish escape the Pistachions via their Time Limo, so King Pistachion gives chase using this machine.
|Human Disguises||Derek's plan involved capturing humans and creating rubber masks based on their appearances, as part of his long-term plan to take over the world.
While masked, the Pistachions appear identical to who they're disguised as, and even sound the same. While they can wear these disguises as long as they need, a Pistachion will eventually grow into the shape of its mask if worn for too long.
|M.U.L.C.H.||A machine used for literally converting humans to plants. This is Derek's magnum opus, and the key to his ultimate plan to turn humans into Pistachions.
Derek has managed to turn many of Milo, Phineas and Ferb's friends and family into Pistachions, that appear unable to recognize their former kin and eager to slay their enemies on Derek's word. They're turned back once Professor Time defeats Derek in 1955, averting the entire takeover.
In "The Substitute", Milo accidentally created a sentient blob by pouring futuristic pistachio fertilizer owned by Cavendish and Dakota on Zack's diaminohexane spill instead of chemical absorbent. Milo and his friends destroyed most of it with fire extinguishers, but the part that grabbed Dakota's leg escaped through the school's vents. It crawled toward the pistachio seedling that Cavendish stepped on and healed it. Then the tiny plant started to glow red.
In "The Llama Incident", a Pistachion was carried away by llamas.
In "Missing Milo", Cavendish and Dakota prevented Milo from stepping on King Pistachion's seedling, resulting in him taking over the world by 2175. It was ultimately Diogee that erased the Pistachions from future history.
In "Fungus Among Us", it is revealed that back in 1955, the Pistachion that Dakota knocked off his time vehicle had spent seven years creating his own plan for overthrowing the human race. In 1965, he put his plan into action — to capture humans and replace them with disguised Pistachions — and was still carrying it out in Milo's time.
In "The Phineas and Ferb Effect", Derek leads his Pistachion army in overtaking the human race, having created a machine that could convert humans into Pistachions. His plans were foiled when Professor Time and Orton Mahlson went back in time to destroy him, finally erasing Pistachions from the timeline.
|The image gallery for the Pistachions may be viewed here.|
“They're like mutated pistachio trees!”
“I claim this land for Pistachions! We will now rebuild it in our image! You know, except for South Beach; that place is perfect the way it is.”
“It all started with a small pistachio plant in a middle school courtyard. As the plant grew, it gained intelligence and sentience and eventually uprooted itself and became King Pistachion!”
“Yeah, take that, nutjobbers!”
“Using the profits from this Doctor Zone show, I will systematically replace human beings with Pistachions wearing rubber masks until we outnumber everyone and overthrow the human race!”
- The Pistachions are often called "nutjobbers", most notably by Vinnie Dakota.
- Ever since the events of "Missing Milo", Cavendish and Dakota have tried to stop Pistachions from returning and ruling the world.
- The Giant Pistachion was the only Pistachion to renounce destruction in the Phineas and Ferb Effect.
- However, in an early pitch for "The Phineas and Ferb Effect", Melissa would've remained a Pistachion after being turned into one by the M.U.L.C.H., and advance her relationship with Zack in a sweet way, in order to show that Pistachions aren't inherently evil. Had this gone through, then the mulched Melissa would've been the second Pistachion to defy orders to destroy humanity.