Rooting for the Enemy/Transcript

Cheer leaders: ♪ We're the Geckos. We've got class
We're going to climb right up your glass. ♪
Mascot: Go Geckos!
Milo I never understood why people need a rally to get peppy. Does that make you feel peppier?
(The mascot falls out of his costume.)
Melissa: Yeah. Kind of does.
Bradley: Oh hey, Melissa. Mind if I join you?
Melissa: Sure Bradley, take a seat.
Bradley: (noticing Milo and moves erratically) ... oo ch eh ul bla em! Hello, Milo.
Milo: Hi, Bradley.
(Bradley discreetly steps away.)
Nolan Mitchell: *cough* Alright, listen up Geckos. *Sigh* I'm not going to lie to you. We're going to lose today, and we're going to lose hard. Middletown Middle School has intentionally failed all it's best eighth grade players for six years straight now, so we're basically playing against a group of angry adults. We'll be lucky if we get out of there with all our limbs. But that's no reason to get out there and give it the old middle school try.
Zack: It isn't?
Nolan Mitchell: If you need me, I'll be in my office, staring into space. Oh yeah, and in the meantime, let's enjoy some peppy songs from our Jefferson County Middle School defunded budget band.
Milo: Now that makes me feel peppy.
Melissa: No Milo. Don't tap. Remember what happened last time.
Milo: What happened last time? (The bleachers collapse and everyone falls on the band) Oh, now I remember.
Mable: Dude, you're on my digeridoo.

Zack: You guys are coming, right? It is my first game as part of the team.
Milo: Oh my Gecko, I would love too. I haven't been in years.
Melissa: Last time he came there was a llama stampede.
Zack: Llama stampede?
Melissa: You know they can spit fifteen feet?
Milo: I haven't been to a game since. I do get nice thank you notes from the team though. You know for staying away.
(The thank you notes fly away in the wind and cause sounds of disaster)
Melissa: Milo and I have had a 'not football Friday' tradition for years.
Zack: 'Not football Friday'?
Melissa: We used to bowl but now we do things without dangerously heavy round objects, like play cards.
(Flash back to when Milo and Melissa were playing cards. A giant orang-utan jumps down and carries Melissa away)
Melissa: It's still safer than bowling!
(The card table gets blown away in the wind and causes various sounds of disaster. The flash back ends.)
Zack: But it's my first game guys.
Milo: It sounds fun, but I try to support the team by staying away.
Mort: Hey Milo, Coach says you can come to this game because it's the one game you can't ruin, on account of we're going to loose.
Milo: Really?
Mort: Oh yeah. They're better than us. Plus, I've got a blockage in my fourth chakra.
Milo: Can't argue with a blocked chakra. I'm going.
(Mort slips, falling down a hill into a large garbage bin that rolls off a pier into the water)
Milo: Sorry, Mort.
Mort: No, I don't think that was Murphy's Law. I think that was my chakra.

Milo: This is going to be awesome. You know how they say the twelfth man is the crowd. Well I'm twelve point five. Wooo! It's the wave. Course it works better with a whole crowd.
Melissa: Are you sure you want to go to this game? 'Cause we could go to the empty Pistachio warehouse and explore.
Milo: It's Zack's first game! And they're going to lose! It'll be great! (Milo cartwheels out of the room and sounds of disaster play. Milo comes back in with a stereo music player.) Do you like my new CD? It's called sounds of disaster. (He continues the track until the player breaks and falls to pieces) That was an antic. (The CD flies out of the player and bounces out the window, making sounds of disaster)
Milo: This is going to be fun. I can't wait to do the wave in public.
(Diogee tries to follow Milo out of his house with a number one foam finger covering his head)
Milo: Oh sorry Diogee, no dogs at the football game. You have to stay home.
(Diogee walks back to the door and rings the doorbell with his foam finger)
Brigette: Come on in.

(Digital display outside the football field reads 'TIGERS VS GECKOS' 'WE APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE - THE TEAM')
Milo: Wow the Tiger fans are certainly excited.
(The Tigers fans scream. A big fan rips his shirt, empties a drink dispenser on himself and drops the barrel on another fan before kicking him away. The Tigers rip through their banner and pose in various dramatic poses.)
Melissa: it's a good thing we're right next to a hospital.
Milo: Hey look, here come the Geckos.
(The Geckos struggle with their banner)
Mort: Does anybody have any... Thank you.
(Mort cuts through the banner with some scissors and then tippy toes over and gives them to one of the banner holders. The team then runs onto the field.)
Mascot: Wohoo! Gecko, gecko, gecko, gecko, gecko, geck...
(The Mascot's feet stick to the ground and he's propelled out of his costume)
Milo: Hey Joni, want to sit with us?
Joni: Hey Milo, I just got the cast off from last time.
Melissa: Hi Principal Milder.
Principal Milder: Melissa. Milo, ha, Good to see ya. I was under the impression you promised Coach Mitchell you would never show up at a game.
Melissa: Oh it's okay 'cause we're gonna lose anyway. The coach said so at the pep rally.
Principal Milder: Did he? I'm going to have to explain pep to that man.
Milo: Oh look, there's the band. Hi band.
(The band get out riot shields)
Band members: Hi Milo.
(Milo and Melissa take a seat on the banisters and everyone else shuffles over away from them)
Bradley: The one Milo free zone, ruined. Hey Melissa, you can sit with us if you value your life. We're outside the splatter zone.
Melissa: No thanks. I've got an adequate duffer zone.
Milo: Hey, do you mind? (It's revealed the number one fingers in Milo's face are actually Diogee) Oh Diogee, you should go home. He's not supposed to be at the football game.
Announcer: Tigers kick off to the Geckos, and here we go.
(The Tigers kick the ball. The ball hits a seagull. Gecko player eighteen catches the bird while the ball lands on his head. Tigers player 86 catches the ball and mows through him. A Gecko baton twirler throws her baton but is distracted by the game and the baton knocks out a member of the band.)
Mort: Hut hut!
Milo: Yeah! Woo! Go Geckos.
(Mort gets the ball but is smashed into a tuba by Tiger player 27)
Mort: That could still be my chakra.
Mable: Dude, we have a tuba?
Milo: You can do it. Geck Go! Geck Go!
Food Vendor #1: Crepe suzette. Get your crepe suzette.
Food Vendor #2: Stinky cheese!
Food Vendor #3: Beignets.
Grace: Oh, I'll take two.
Food Vendor #3: Sorry, we are closed.
Milo: Wow. French food at a football game?
Melissa: They tried selling German sausages but they were the worst.
(Musical sting)
Band Member #1: Check it out, I found a snare drum.
Milo: Oh look, Zack's going long. Zack, Zack, he's our man. If he can't do it.. Look out!
(The goal post that Zack's running for are on fire and nearly fall on him as he turns and runs away. Food Vender 4 is right next to where the post used to stand with his nifty little blow torch still on.)
Food Vendor #4: Crème brulee. Get you Crème brulee. Oo, that was probably my bad.
Milo: That should count for something.
Melissa: We could still win. You know, if the Tigers all suddenly came down with a really bad cold or if they decided they wanted to be folk musicians instead of athletes or, you know you can stop me at any time.
Bradley: Yeah. Who would have guess that the game would be ruined. Colour me surprised. Hm. What's the one thing that's different at this game?
Milo: I don't know. I'm not usually here.
Melissa: Maybe things would have gone better if you cheered for the other team.
Milo: Yeah. Hahaha. Go Tigers.
(Milo's snails bag gets blown away onto the face of Tiger player 49 who crashes into the Tigers mascot and drops the ball. The ball lands in the hands of Gecko player 2 who runs in chaotic circles. All the Tigers miss her and she makes it to the end of the field. The crowd gasps.)
Melissa: [Great Googly Moogly! It worked! Milo, I've got an idea.

Milo: Give me all the merchandise you've got for the Middletown Tigers.
Store Staff: Aren't you guys Geckos?
Melissa: Do you want the sale or not?
Store Staff: Hey man, I've got no horse in this race.
("Rooting for the Enemy (song)" begins.)

♪ (Pow Pow) ♪

Milo: ♪ I got a big foam finger.
I've got a new routine.
I'm gonna turn the tables
Rooting for the enemy.
(Pow) ♪

♪ I got a T-shirt and pompoms.
You know this stuff ain't free.
I spent seventeen dollars
Rooting for the enemy. ♪

♪ It's a little counterintuitive.
It's a paradoxical scheme.
'Cause you think that I'll be ruined
if I back the other team.
(back the other team) ♪

♪ You know I've got a new perspective.
(Pow) (Pow)
I don't expect you to come along.
(Pow) (Pow)
I've got a new hat and banner
(Pow) (Pow)
and I've got a new song.
(Pow) (got a new song) (Pow) ♪

♪ (Rooting for the enemy)
I've got a big foam finger.
I've got a new routine.
(Rooting for the enemy)
I'm gonna turn the tables
Rooting for the enemy
(Rooting for the enemy) ♪

♪ I've got a T-shirt and pompoms.
You know this stuff ain't free.
(Rooting for the enemy)
I spent seventeen dollars
Rooting for the enemy. ♪

♪ I got a big foam finger. ♪

Referee: Time out. Gecko.
Nolan Mitchell: Ok Geckos, come on, bring it in. I know I said we were gonna loose this game. But you guys didn't listen to me! And I'm glad! Now we're only behind by two points! So get out there and continue not listening to me, You understand?
Chad: So does that mean we shouldn't listen to you starting now or before when you told us not to listen to you?
Karo: Yeah, because I wasn't really listening to you just now.
Nolan Mitchell: Would you jus... jus... jus, I don't even exist! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go Geckos!
Tiger Mascot: Go Tigers! Go!
(The Tiger Mascot runs into the referee and his head flies onto Mort who blindly rushes Tiger player 11 who looses control of the ball passed to him. The ball flies up into a spot light which makes the lights give off an uncontrolled burst of light)
News Truck Driver: My eyes!
(The news truck crashes into a light pole. The light pole falls over into a subway.)
Construction Worker: Well, it's a good thing we've got this drill. Digging this tunnel with these little shovels would have been really hard.
(The light pole smashes through the roof and the drill control room, activating the drill. The drill drills under the football field, throwing up dirt and any one or thing else that was on the field. Mort flies up and strikes the goal post which, acting as a giant tuning fork, shatters a lot of brittle objects around the banisters, including one of the band member's musical jars.)
Band Member #2: Now I can play the tuba.
Nolan Mitchell: Zack! Field goal. Drop kick! No one's used that play in forty years. Bring it back baby! Oh no. It's going wide.
(The drill tilts the goal posts, allowing Zack's ball to go through it)
Referee: Field goal! I mean, field goal.
(The Referee imitates the angle of the goal post. The score board shows 'Geckos:43 Tigers:42'. The board then bursts into flames.)
Food Vendor #4: Oh. I should probably turn this thing off.
Nolan Michell: We won? This has got to be a dream. That means I can do anything. Maybe I can fly.
(Coach Mitchell face plants on the ground. The Gecko crowd runs onto the field, passing all the players and picks up Milo, chanting his name.)
Student: Woo. It's like Football X-7!
(The crowd carry Milo off the field while they chant. Milo hits his head on the crooked goal post.)
Milo: Ow. I forgot about that.
(The ground gives way beneath the crowd and they fall into a pit. The goal post then collapses on top of them)
Melissa: Are you guys ok?
(Milo's hand emerges from the rubble with a thumbs up)
Milo: I think I broke my thumb.

(Cut to the Murphy suite in the hospital)
Milo: Well, it looks like we've started a whole new tradition.
Melissa: Traction Saturday.
(The Geckos knock and enter Milo's room, greeting him)
Cheer Leaders: Milo! Milo! Get well soon. Your presence today was very supportive.
Cheer Leader: Yeah, we wrote that one in the hall.
Zack: Here you go buddy. The game ball. We want you to have it.
Milo: Oh my gosh. Cool! Hey any of you guys want to sign my cast? (Milo knocks over a hospital monitor and the curtain around the next hospital bed, revealing Diogee.) Diogee, go home. He's not supposed to be at the hospital.