Danville Forest[]
(Elliot and Milo are being chased, whilst Elliot's foot is handcuffed to Milo's arm and they're wearing clown make up.)
Milo: (In a bubble) Wow, this is pretty crazy, even for me. I guess I should start at the beginning.
Danville that morning[]
Milo: (Narrating) It was a quarter after 9 this morning and (Milo is shown to be walking near Ol'Bessie) I was meeting Zack and Melissa at the park...when suddenly. (He bumps into Elliot who has his sign set to stop.)
Elliot: Stop, Milo. (Turns his sign to show it now has a mirror on it.)
Milo: Oh, I'll stop when you start believing in magic. (He holds up the magic kit box he was holding up, Elliot's mirror breaks.)
Elliot: What's with the magic kit?
Milo: I'm helping Zack and Melissa with their student film. I figured they could use some special effects. You, sir (he takes out a pair of handcuffs) with the stop sign, place these handcuffs on my wrists.
Elliot: (Pondering) Well...okay. (Milo turns round as Elliot is supposed to handcuff him.)
Milo: No tricks up my sleeve, make sure those handcuffs are good and tight.
Bubble Milo: I just wanna clarify something, Elliot and I do not get handcuffed together at this time.
Elliot: All right, Houdini, you're all set. Wow me. (He steps back and Milo turns around.)
Milo: And one, two, three. (Turns out Milo is in fact handcuffed to Elliot's sign.)
Elliot: (unimpressed) Milo, you're handcuffed to my sign.
Milo: (reaching into a side pocket) Don't worry, I have the key. (The key falls out of his hand, clattering on the sidewalk before resting on the nearby drain cover.)
Eliot: Whoo, that was a close call. (The drain cover cracks the road, before falling into the sewer below, splashing as he and Milo watch.)
Milo: So....do you know any magic tricks?
Danville Park.[]
(Zack has a script, Melissa a camera, whilst Mort a mic, and Amanda is reading a reading a script.)
Zack: Milo isn't here with the magic kit and two of our actors are late.
Bradley: Hey, film geeks! What's up?
Zack: Bradley! Where's Scott the undergrounder? You were supposed to bring him.
Bradley: He's not coming. He said he had an appointment.
Zack: He lives in a sewer and his girlfriend is a milk carton. What kind of appointment could he have?
At a couples therapy session.[]
(There's a therapist taking notes, Mildred is surrounded by tissues whilst Scott is sat next to 'her'.)
Scott: Mildred, I'm not being chauvinistic. You have an actual expiration date.
Danville Park[]
Zack: How can we make a film called the old man on the bench, without the old man?
Melissa: Don't panic, all we had to do is find a grown up with no life who's sitting around in the middle of the day with nothing to do.
Murphy's Living Room.[]
(Doof is watching Doctor Zone on the couch with Diogee)
Dr Zone: Well Time Ape, once again...we've had the time of our... (Doof's phone rings.)
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪
Doof: (Turns the tv off before answering) Hello? Oh, hi, Milo's friend girl. Be in your film? Uh, you know, I'm pretty busy. (Diogee barks and jumps off the couch) But my schedule just opened up. E-mail me the script, I'll read it on the way over.
Danville Streets.[]
(Elliot is hauling Milo along)
Milo: Can't you just let me hold the stop sign? It would so much easier.
Elliot: (Stops in the middle of road) and turns back to Milo) Having you holding this sign would be unsafe (camera shows a overloaded open truck with Heavy Metal Balls driving along) you hold this sign with be unsafe. (A screw comes loose as a the lorry stops.) See, this is what happens if you even...(the balls fall out of the truck, picking up Milo and Elliot)
Milo: Elliot, get the electromagnet out of my bag. (Elliot manages to do so, Milo is now holding Elliot's sign)
Elliot: Got it! I'm gonna turn it on.
Milo: Just remember to throw it away from us...(Elliot turns it on, but doesn't follow Milo's instruction, the balls surround them in a cube shape) Or this might happen. (The cube clanks as it 'rolls' down the hill, stopping at an overpass.) Turn it off now. (Elliot does and the balls clatter and scatter.) Hey, the top of this sign comes right off. (Pops the top the sign off, Eliott grabs both parts from Milo)
Elliot: (Shaking as he attempts to put it back together) My baby. Hold on...(puts it back together and stands up) There we go. (He holds it to him)
Milo: (stands up) Well, the cuffs are off now.
Elliot: (stalking off) Great, now I can get rid of him. (Slips on a ball, and screams as he falls off the overpass)
Milo: (in slow motion) Elliot (he goes to grab Elliot and is handcuffed to him whilst Elliot is left dangling)
Bubble Milo: This is when we got handcuffed together, but not wrist to ankle. Okay, go ahead.
(Cars drive under Elliot, and blare their horns, Elliot screams and after a few seconds Milo pulls him up.)
Milo: There we go, Elliot.
Elliot: (stammers as he climbs over the railing, before eventually get part of the way up.)
Milo: Well, atleast I'm not cuffed to your sign right? (Elliot glares)
Danville Park[]
(Bradley is reading the script, Mort is brushing the mic, Zack has his arms crossed script in hand, Melissa is looking through the camera and Amanda is having a drink)
Zack: Where is Doofenshmirtz people, we're losing light.
Melissa: (looks away from the camera) Calm down, he said, he'd be right over.
(Doof drives in a golf cart with Diogee, both are dressed up)
♪ Check out my bling-bling,
I'm the real thing.
Got 24-carat napkin rings,
So they're gonna blind you
Whenever I find you
Eating chick-chick-chicken wings.
Check out my ride.
I know you tried to hide
This side of me.
Right on- ♪
Doof: (stops in front of Zack and Melissa) Doofenshmirtz is in the house. What up (starts the hydraulics on the cart) What up, everyone? (Gets out of the cart, before picking Diogee up and placing him down) This is my entourage, doggie dog.
Diogee: (barks)
Doof: Old school, cause he's actually a dog. (Unrolls script) Now about this script.
Zack: What about my script?
Doof: It stinks. Literally, I spilled pickled herring on it. (throws it away, before taking a new script out) Anyway, doggie dog and I have come up with a new script (throws it Melissa, it hits her in the face) and it's pretty sweet.
Melissa: (moves the script and leaves through it) This is just the word 'bark' written a whole bunch of times.'
Doof: Pretty sweet.
Diogee: (barks)
Melissa: I'm sorry, Dr D, but we're going to shoot to the script that we wrote. (hands the script back)
Doof: Oh that's it, I'm walking, I'm out the door. I am out..(Moves to leave)
Melissa: We're giving everyone free lunch.
Doof: (turns back) Okay, I'm in.
Somewhere in Danville[]
(Milo and Elliot are walking, still handcuffed together)
Elliot: I knew I shouldn't have helped you with your trick. I cannot live like this. Safety first. Must stay safe, Buffalo.
Milo: (Stops) Did you just say, buffalo?
(Scary music plays as the camera zooms in on Elliot, we see a Buffalo spin, a clown throw confetti, a crow crow and marshmallows next to a clock as ants devour the marshmallows, the clock ticks, a buffalo ornament shatters)
Elliot: What happened?
Milo: I don't know, but clearly that word trigged some repressed traumatic event.
Elliot: Word, what word?
Milo: Buffalo.
Elliott: Buffalo? (We see the same, events as previous to the clown)
Milo: Elliot! Elliot! Are you gonna do that everytime I saw the word buff...(Elliot puts his hand over Milo's mouth.)
Elliot: Yes, wait a second, what's going on here? (The camera moves to a bunch of Capybaras escaped from a truck, there's an ambulance, a fire engine, police car, and a crashed van)
Milo: (He and Elliot walk over) I don't know, but wow, what a mess. (They both walk up to a farmer guy) What's with all the capybaras, sir?
Farmer: Better not make any loud noises, boys. These capys get spooked, they can stampede worse than...buffa- (Milo cuts him off)
Milo: Don't say that.
Farmer: (Moves Milo's hand) Don't say what?
Milo: Buffalo. (Buffalo head, and Elliot screams)
Farmer: Yup, that's pretty much the loud noise I was talking about. (The Capybaras chirp as they hear Elliot scream.)
Milo: (Realising the danger) Run, Elliot! (He drags Elliot off)
Farmer: That's a pretty wise choice boys. (The capybaras stampede knocking the farmer over)
Danville Park.[]
(Everyone is set for the scene, with Bradley and Amanda on a bench and Doof behind them)
Zack: Okay, Bradley, we'll shoot you on the bench first. Then we shoot Doof on the bench as future you with your life ruined.
Doof: Ouch.
Zack: Okay, let's get rolling. (Walks to where Mort and Melissa are with the film equipment) And...action!
Amanda: (In character) Blake, I want to know your feelings.
Doof: (Walks in front of the camera) Cut cut!
Zack: (Annoyed) Doof, what are you doing! That was great!
Doof: Boring. You need action like maybe if I, I did some push-ups in the background like...(Doof attempts a push up, and his bones crack) One.
Bradley: (Unimpressed) Boy, by the time he's finished, I really will be an old man. (More cracking in the background, as Doof falls flat)
Doof: Okay, just one. (Gets up) Oh, you know what, we need something unexpected, like, like, if I was suddenly to cry out without warning. Like this. (Exclaims) Oh, no see, but that was without warning, so...(exclaims) See that one was without warning. Better right?
Melissa: Doof, these suggestions are great, but we're running out time.
Doof: Whatever, I just thought you wanted to make a good movie. (walks back)
Zack: (visibly frustrated) Okay. Amanda, Bradley, great energy. Right, we're going to do it again and...action.
Amanda: (In character) Blake, I want to know your feelings. (Doof leans in making faces) But you are like a clam that has been left in the ice too long and I...(is growing frustrated with Doof)
Melissa: (off screen) Cut! Dr Doofenshmirtz what are you doing? (Zack is holding his nose, frustrated)
Doof: These are the emotions, I'm going to be having. I'm doing a little foreshadowing, because you know, you're going to be seeing me in the park later.
Zack: (Close to losing his temper) Please, just stick to the script.
Doof: (walking away) Whatever, it's your movie.
Melissa: Okay, one more time and...action.
Amanda: (Breathes in and out deeply)
Doof: (Speaking before Amanda, he comes on with Pine cones wrapped in a sheet) Pine cones for sale. Buy a pine cone to help an old woman.
Amanda: (Stands up angry) That's it! I cannot work with this man.
Doof: Old Woman.
Amanda: I am walking.
Doof: You can't walk because I'm walking. I'm walking right now. (Starts walking) I'm gonna do it (Amanda leaves in the opposite direction). I'm gonna walk. I'm gonna get..(notices Amanda has left) Oh. Well what do you know, she walked.
Bradley: (Stands up) Well, if she's out, I'm out. (leaves)
Doof: (Oblivious to what he did) Wow! What a couple of divas, am I right?
(Elliot and Milo appear in shot, Elliot screaming, as Capybaras pursue them)
Milo: (throws his magic kit) Magic kit! (Zack catches it)
Zack: You think there's something in here that can make this whole day disappear?
Circus[]
(Elliot and Milo arrive still being chased)
Milo: I think we're starting to pull ahead. (They get caught on a lamppost and get flung backwards, the Capybaras turn at the lamp post before running after them again, Milo and Elliot land on a guy juggling with his feet, who kicks them off before the Capybaras reach him. Elliot and Milo land on performers doing an inverted triangle on a unicycle, Elliot screams and they crash into a 'Happy's Bulk Clown Supplies' truck.)
Elliot: (he and Milo get up with painted faces) Hey, hey hand is free.
Milo: (Lifts his arm, which is now attached to Elliot's ankle, knocking him over) That's great.
Bubble Milo: You know, I'll be honest. I don't know how this happened. Uh-oh, here they come again. (Elliot and Milo take off running followed by the Capybaras, they run into the forest with Elliot screaming the entire time, Milo throws a rope to a nearby tree and attempts to pull him and Elliot across, but ends them both slamming into the rock, they slide down into some nearby water leaving the painted faces behind.)
Elliot: (he and Milo get up) You are a buffalo to everyone around you! (Pulls himself and Milo to the shore)
Milo: Elliot, what's with you and buffaloes?
Elliot: Wait, not buffalo, marshmallow.
Milo: Marshmallow?
Elliot: Yes! Marshmallow rhymes with buffalo. It happened years ago.
Milo: Marshmallow doesn't rhyme with buffalo.
Elliot: I went to the circus with my parents.
(Start of the flashback)
Milo: (cutting into the flashback) This guy is rhyming marshmallow with buffalo.
Elliot: They brought me a bag of marshmallows (young Elliot is throwing the back up and down)I was throw it in the air. My mother said 'don't throw that bag in the air, remember! safety first.' Then it happened. (Elliott drops the marshmallows)
(Paused flashback, Milo now has his hands in his pocket)
Milo: That's it? That caused the lifelong pathological addiction to safety?
Elliot: Let me finish.
(Back to the flashback)
Elliot: Those marshmallows were just the beginning. (A man on stilts walks on the marshmallows, he loses one leg as the shoe sticks to them. It's revealed Sara and Martin Murphy are watching the show. The performer crashes over, the now loose stilt, hits a seesaw knocking into a Hippo in a tutu, who runs at a guy attempting to light a cannon to fire someone. The cannon falls, but fires, the guy groes through all the support beams and the tent start to comes down. everyone screams and Sara looks sad. Everything complete collapses during this next line) It was because of my carelessness with those marshmallows that everything was ruined!
(Flashback over)
Elliot: Milo, for years I've been tormented, and now I know why.
Milo: Kinda weird that marshmallows triggered your memory of the circus disaster, we just ran though an actual circus.
Elliot: The point is, now that my marshmallow memory is no longer repressed. (hands up) I'm free! Except that I'm still handcuffed to you.
Milo: No, it's okay (fishing around his pocket) Whilst you were freaking out, I found a spare key. (gets key out of his pocket)
Elliot: You've got a spare key?
Milo: Yeah, (undoing the handcuffs Elliot first) I found it while you were busy rhyming buffalo with marshmallow. (handcuffs are free) There you go. Now you don't have to be obsessed with safety anymore.
Elliot: (hands on hips) Are you kidding? I'm going to be more obsessed with (Capybaras land on him)..safety.
Jefferson Country Middle School.[]
(That evening, the school signed is 'cut to establishing shot of school.')
Zack: I don't know Melissa. I hope this works.
(In the gymnasium, there's a small gathering, Melissa and Zack are at a desk with Mr Drako in front of them)
Melissa: Come on, Zack, everyone's waiting. Just hit save. We're running out of time.
Mr Drako: (comes over) Zack, Melissa, your film is-a first. Are you ready? (Melissa gives Mr Drako the usb)
Melissa: Here Mr. Drako. Here's our film.
Zack: (high pitched) Melissa what are you doing?
Mr Drako: Ladies and gentlemen a film, by Zack and Melissa. (puts the USB into his laptop) The Old Man on the Bench.
Old Man On The Bench.[]
Amanda (in character) Blake, I want to know your feelings, but you are like a clam that has been left in the ice too long. (a sheet is removed to reveal pinecones)
Bradley: Boy, by the time he's finished. I really will be an old man. (Capybaras stampede)
Doof: (As Pinecone seller) Pine cones for sale! Pine cones for sale! (Exclaims)
Melissa: So..what do you think?
Zack: Oh, please don't give us an 'F'.
Mr Drako: There is no grade on this. This was just for fun.
Zack: (cheers up) I'll take it. (He and Melissa do a jump high five, cheering as they do)
Bubble Doof: And it was a happy ending after all.
Bubble Milo: Dr. Doofenshmirtz, what are you doing in my bubble?
Bubble Diogee: (barks)
♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪