Sunny Side Up/Transcript

Outside Jefferson County Middle School

(The marquee says, "Drive safely... you know, when you're old enough to drive.)

Mrs. Murawski's science class

(Milo and Zack enter.)
Milo: So I opened the door to the arboretum, and there they were! And I have no idea where the orangutan came from.
Zack: Yeah. I mean how far is the nearest zoo?
Milo: And why was he so set on getting my pistachios?

(They take their seats.)

Melissa: It's the mysteries that make life worth living. At least that's what it says in my expensive book of mysteries.

Ms. Murawski: Alright, class. Today we are starting on a new physics project. This will test everything you've learned about gravity, inertia and weight distribution, all things I utilized in making this… beautiful desk. (A slow jam starts as Ms. Murawski starts caressing her desk.) Solid oak. Took me the better part of twenty-one weeks,… weeks of solitude; just… me and… the wood.

(The students look about the room worriedly. Ms. Murawski continues caressing her desk. The slow jam stops abruptly with a record scratch.)

Ms. Murawski: Uh, if you, if uh, if you work hard, some day you, too, may own a special desk. Not this one, though; this one's mine. So, over the weekend you will be building a container, inside of which you will put an egg. (Takes one from out of her hair) Your grade will be based on only one criteria: (Melissa is taking notes frantically) When dropped from the roof of the school, will the egg break? An unbroken egg guarantees the team an A; all the others will be judged on how well they have applied the concepts we've been talking about in class. Now you will all be breaking into teams of three. (Everyone ducks behind their desk except for Milo, Zack and Melissa.) So I guess you three will be a team then?

(The three look back at the empty class.)

Melissa: Cowards!

Zack: Any limit on the number of eggs we break while we're building it?

Ms Murawski: No.

Zack: Okay then.

Bradley: You're sure you don't wanna join our team, Melissa? I named it Team Melissa. Not after you, different Melissa. (Mort and Amanda peep up.)

Melissa: No, I'm good.

Bradley: Really. You're going to jeopardize those straight A's? You know eggs can be rather fragile.

Melissa: Bring it on. I eat eggs for breakfast.

Bradley: Yeah. So do all of us.

Before the Murphy house

(Zack sets down two bags of eggs before the front door and rings the door-bell.)

Zack: Milo!

Milo: Coming.

Zack: I got eight dozen eggs. That should last us until — (Milo opens the door and smashes one bag against the wall.) Like I said, I've got four dozen eggs.

Melissa: (off-screen) Amateurs!

(Melissa is shown towing a cart piled high with eggs behind her bike.)

Milo: Wow.

Zack: That's a lot of eggs.

Melissa: I've got a grade point average to protect.

Zack: You think that's maybe a little bit overkill?

(Milo's door falls off its hinges and crushes Zack's remaining bag of eggs. A light then falls on the door.)

Melissa: No, I do not think it is overkill.

Zack: Touché.

Milo: So, shall we get cracking?

Zack: That's egg-xact........

Melissa: No! No egg puns.

The Murphy backyard

(Milo, Zack, and Melissa suit up. "Don't Break Me" begins. Milo carries several cartons of eggs and slips.)

Milo: Whoa!!

Singer: ♪ You best be careful how you handle me ♪

(Melissa hands an egg to Milo, which promptly hatches a baby bird and flies away.)

♪ I'm not as sturdy as you think ♪

(They test a contraption, which is a basket hooked on an umbrella; lightning strikes it, and it disintegrates.)

♪ You're too in touch with your adrenal gland, you see ♪

(Diogee barks angrily at a cracked egg that he narrowly avoids.)

♪ I don't wanna be your weakest link ♪

(Another of their contraptions flies out of reach)

♪ Hey, (Hey!) don't break me ♪

♪ Don't wanna crack in my best side ♪

(Diogee slurps up an egg that fell onto his nose.)

♪ Just keep your wild abandon to yourself ♪

(An egg rolls safely into an area set off with traffic cones. Another of their contraptions smashes it.)

♪ Hey (Hey!), don't break me ♪

♪ Don't wanna be your lightning rod ♪

(Another of their contraptions bounces out of control and cracks its egg on Melissa.)

♪ Like the view just fine here from the shelf ♪

(Another contraption flings egg at Zack's face.)

♪ So, baby, please don't break me ♪

(Another contraption, a hot-air balloon, catches fire.)

♪ (Hey!) (Hey!) ♪

(They deposit their egg in a raw chicken. Milo drops it, and it appears to be safe, but it is torn apart by raccoons.)

♪ Please don't break me (Hey!) ♪

♪ Ha! (Hey!) ♪

(Another egg flies into Zack's face.)

♪ Please don't break me (Hey!) ♪

(Diogee wallows in cracked eggs.)

♪ Mmm ♪

("Don't Break Me" ends. Milo puts an egg into his pocket.)

Zack: Did you just put an egg in your pocket?

Milo: Yeah.

Zack: Yeah, that's not going to end well.

(They test their latest container, and it starts to calmly hover)

Zack: Ahh?

(It flies into the air, hits a bird, hits the ground, and explodes.)

The same, later

Melissa: Okay, guys. We are going to crack this thing. And by that, I mean we are not going to crack this thing. (points at an egg on their drawing board) We have to build something that can withstand a two story drop, a wood door, a tree branch, a size eight-and-a-half sneaker, Zack's butt —

Zack: Hey!

Melissa: — a raccoon attack — it's all in here. We have to build something that will withstand not only one of these things, but all of them simultaneously.

Milo: Well you know what they say: "Whatever breaks our egg, only helps our egg-dropping contraption utilize the forces of gravity, inertia, and weight distribution better."

Melissa: That's the spirit.

Zack: Who says that?

(Their drawing board collapses, and the egg atop it breaks.)

The same, 17:22 hours and 10,132.05 eggs later

Milo: Okay, team. I give you version eighty-seven point three dash nine.

Zack: I say we just call it Big Bertha.

Melissa:I'm not naming them anymore. I don't want to get attached. (Dons her helmet and ducks behind a K-rail.)

Zack: Come here, Diogee.

Milo: Here it goes.

(He slides it carefully off the plank in his tree-house. It drops and deploys a parachute.)

Zack: Okay... looking good.

(It lands, its egg unbroken. Zack walks towards it, but Melissa pulls him back.)

Zack: Ugh!

Melissa: Wait… (It tips over.) Okay. I think.

(Melissa pushes Zack towards Big Bertha.)

Zack: Yug!

Milo: Well?

Zack: The egg is... completely intact! We did it!

Melissa: Woo-hoo!

Milo: I've gotta see this. I'll be right down.

(Milo accidentally kicks a plank of wood out of his tree-house. Zack grabs Big Bertha and rolls out of the way as the plank crashes to the ground.)

Zack: Whoa, whoa. No. You stay right there, Milo. We still have to get this to class in one piece. I'll guard Big Bertha for the night, and Melissa, you take home all the extra eggs.

Melissa: What extras? That was our last one.

Zack: Really? Well, here, then. (Hands her the egg) Triple-cooler it. And we better get out of here before anything else hap —

(Martin rides in on his bike, out of control.)

Martin: Whoop, whoop, whoop. Look out. No brakes. Woah! (He crashes and flies over the hedge, landing in a car.)

Melissa: Hi, Mr. Murphy. We gotta go. Bye. (She and Zack leave.)

Milo: See ya tomorrow, team.

Martin: Milo, be a dear and get your dad his crutches.

Zack's house; morning

(Zack awakes.)

Zack: Aaahhhh. Okay, Big Bertha. Time to get you to schoo... (A shelf has fallen on Big Bertha. He gasps, aghast.) Noooooooooo!

(Zack wakes up.)

Zack: (gasps, sees Big Bertha intact) Just a dream.

Melissa's house; morning

(Melissa awakes.)

Melissa: Alright. Time to rise and — (The egg was crushed by a tree branch. Melissa gasps, aghast.) Nooooooooooo!

(Melissa wakes up.)

Melissa: (gasps, sees her coolers intact) Oh, it's just a dream.

Milo's house; morning

(Milo awakes to see everything normal. He gasps, aghast.)

Milo: Well. That is peculiar.

(Milo awakes and gasps. A tree crashed through his window.)

Milo: Yeah. That's more like it.

The school

(Zack is carrying Big Bertha.)

Zack: Melissa, over here.

Melissa: How's Big Bertha doing?

Zack: Good so far. How's the egg?

Melissa: A-OK.

Zack: Let's just get this thing to the classroom. Three o-clock! (They dodge a leaky water-fountain. A nearby student slips.) Ten o'clock! (They dodge a student sneezing on them.) Actual clock! (They dodge an actual clock falling off the wall.) He's already here, isn't he?

Melissa: How'd you guess?

Milo: Hi, guys.

(Zack and Melissa set up.)

Melissa: Milo, I need to take the egg out. Do you mind?

Milo: No problem. I'll stand in the corner. (Goes to the corner) I'm helping by not helping.

Melissa: (having removed it from the coolers) Pilot egg is ready for dropoff.

Milo: Woo-hoo! Oops! (Milo accidentally pulls over a skeleton, knocking a giant brain across the classroom) Heads up.

(The brain sends the class scattering and just catches the egg in Melissa's hand, knocking it to the ground and breaking it.)

Melissa: No! No no no no no no no no nooooo! That was our last one. Now we can't even compete!

Milo: I am so sorry Melissa. (Puts his hands in his pockets) I don't know what to say. Oh, wait a second. I forgot this one.

(Milo produces the egg he put into his pocket.)

Ms Murawski: Okay, class, take your projects up to the roof while I monitor the "drop zone," (laughs and snorts) and send one of your team members down with me for cleanup.

Melissa: I'll be on the ground crew. Good luck, guys. And FYI, a tremendous portion of my self-esteem is wrapped up in my grade point average, but, you know, no pressure.

Ms Murawski: You know, I made that pencil you're holding

(Melissa glances at the pencil and edges out of the room.)

The roof; a specially appointed drop-zone; the ground near it

(Milo, Zack, and others enter and go to the edge.)

Milo: I think this is taller than my tree-house.

Zack: Look, with all our trials and errors, this baby can now handle anything.

Ms Murawski: Team one, you're up.

Zack: OK. Let's go down the check list one more time.

(Team one drop their contraption and destroy their egg.)

Ms. Murawski: You need to take into account acceleration speed.

Milo: Parachute?

Zack: Check, with one-point-five second deploy speed.

Milo: Shock absorbers?

(Another team drop their contraption and destroy their egg.)

Zack: Check. Compressed air plungers braced by interior bendy straws.

Ms Murawski: I cannot emphasize weight distribution enough. Think of my desk. I know I am.

Milo: Roll cage?

Zack: Check. Vacuum hose with closed foam cord.

Ms Murawski: And we have our first successful — (takes up another team's contraption to find its egg destroyed) oh, uh, yeah, no. Get the mop over here.

Bradley: We'll show you how it's done. (Drops his contraption)

Ms Murawski: Oh. Very nice. Just a hairline fracture. Bradley's team is the one to beat.

Bradley: Yeah! (pointing around to punctuate his words) In your face, other people. (He is pointing at Mort.)

Mort: I'm on your team.

Milo: I hope it works. I don't want to let Melissa down.

Zack: Come on. How much can happen between here and the ground?

Ms Murawski: Milo, Zack, Melissa, you are the last ones to go.

(Milo and Zack move into position.)

Melissa: Come on. Hold together.

(Bystanders step back. Amanda and another student duck down behind a table, pushing down a third.)

Zack: Okay. One. Two.

Zack and Milo: Three!

(Big Bertha deploys its parachute.)

Melissa: Yes, yes, yes.

(A delivery truck hits Big Bertha before it reaches the ground, sending it flying.)

Delivery Guy: Hey, is this the cafeteria service entrance?

Melissa: No, no, no!

Milo: (looking through binoculars) Uh-oh. Kickball game!

Zack: Check, she can handle that.

(A kickball player kicks it into a football field.)

Milo: Football scrimmage.

Zack: Uh… check, theoretically.

(Football players dog-pile Big Bertha. Some late-comers squeeze it out, sending it flying again. It lands into a polar bear's zone, whose inhabitant roars.)

Milo: Polar bear water tank?

Zack: What! Give me those. (snatches the binoculars from Milo) So that's where the zoo is.

(Milo, looking through a spyglass, sees the polar bear tackle Big Bertha; it flies clear of the tank and lands on a road.)

Milo: Freeway!

(An approaching car stops suddenly and causes a wreck, which sends Big Bertha flying again, bouncing among automobiles until it flies among wind turbines.)

Zack: Uh… check.

Milo: Wind turbines?

Zack: Uh, check?

(It bounces among them and lodges in a news helicopter.)

Milo: News copter.

Zack: Come on!

Melissa: Aw, come on!

(Diogee comes on and barks.)

Melissa: Not you, Diogee.

(Big Bertha drops from the helicopter. Everyone watches in suspense.)

Delivery Guy: Seriously, can someone help me out? I've gotta deliver all these eggs.

(Big Bertha crashes into the delivery truck, destroying it, and there is a great mushroom cloud of egg. A single yolk lands near the polar bear, which calls. Milo and Zack, their upper halves completely encased in yolk, exit the school. Show that the egg survived in the yolk-covered wreckage of the truck. Diogee, atop it, barks.)

Ms. Murawski: (takes up the egg) We have a winner! Team Milo gets an A. (Writes an A on the egg and hands it to Milo) You three did it. I'm so proud of you.

Milo: Now that's a grade-A egg. (Diogee jumps up and eats it) Well, I guess the yolk's on...

Melissa: I said no egg puns!

(The end.)