(The Murphy's car drives up to a gate labelled "OFF-RAMP RANCH".)
Brigette: Here we are.
(Milo, Zack and Melissa exit the vehicle.)
Brigette: Ok kids, remember, we're just a phone call away at the outlet mall.
Martin: We only have to pay half price when it breaks.
Zack: Thanks Milo's mom and dad.
Melissa: Thanks guys, have a good time.
Milo: So long.
(The car starts moving again but quickly stops again as Sara exits the car looking down at her phone.)
Brigette: Oh! Didn't realise we still had her. Bye, Sara. Be sure to look up from your phone once in a while.
Milo: Ah, the great outdoors. The sky is blue, the fields are wide open...
Melissa: the bargains are close by.
(The outlet mall is revealed to be next door.)
Brigette: You kids have fun.
Milo: It's just so peaceful.
Javier: (Whistles) Welcome to the nowhere desert dude ranch. Where you will experience... (he pauses as a very loud airplane flies overhead) ...the serenity of the wild frontier.
(Melissa, Zack, and Milo gear up for some horse riding.)
Sara: Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I think this is the undiscovered shooting location of episode 576 of Doctor Zone. See?
(Sara shows the rest a screenshot from the episode on her phone next to the local landscape.)
Melissa: Definitely a similar butte shaped butte... Am I pronouncing that correctly?
Sara: I can't wait to see what my fellow Doctor Zone fans have to say about this.
Javier: Ahhh, Doctor Zone fan. You're gonna wanna check out that corral over there.
Sara: Awesome! Oh, I've got to document this. I'll find you later. (Sara falls over the fence as she runs off.) Use helmets.
Melissa: Got 'em.
Sara: No, I mean on the horses.
Zack: Do they even make helmets for...
Milo: Got 'em.
Javier: Those are our best horses. Princess, Buttercup, and Psycho.
(Milo gets on Psycho and places the horse helmet on him. Psycho stats trying to buck him off.)
Milo: Wow! Wow boy. Wah. (Ah. Ok. Ok. Ok. Wow. Wow! Oh boy. [...])
Zack: Any chance of us getting a calmer horse?
Javier: Well Psycho there is usually our calmest horse. That's why we named him Psycho, for the irony. We crack ourselves up.
Milo: (Wow. Wohow boy. Wuh. Wuh. Wuh. Wow. Wow! Wow. Wow. Aiee. Wah. Wah! Wahahaa! Aaaah. Hoo. Aaah. Wohow boy!)
Zack: Not that I don't enjoy danger, which I don't, but they have other stuff to do here, Like other stuff we might not get injured doing.
(Melissa gets out the brochure.)
Melissa: white water rafting,
Melissa: zip line,
Melissa: Smores making...
Zack: Oh, that sounds fun.
Melissa: On an open bonfire.
Zack: Okaaayyyy. Maybe there's a hayride?
Melissa: It goes around the open bonfire.
Zack: Alright, horseback riding it is.
Milo: I'm ready.
(Milo is knotted up in the reins of a relatively content Psycho.)
(The three are riding their horses when Psycho rears up and stops them.)
Milo: Wow boy. What's that up ahead?
(A masked horse rider is charging towards them.)
Milo: You know, every time a masked bandit comes furiously charging towards me, I like to take a deep breath... (Psycho bolts and Princess and Buttercup shortly follow.) Wow!
Melissa and Zack: Wow.
Milo: Wow. Wohow.
Melissa and Zack: Wohow.
(Their horses approach a line of bushes.)
Melissa: Wow. Wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.
Zack: Wow, look out.
Melissa: Stop stop stop.
(The horses clear the bushes and then jump over a fence as well but skid to a halt as they approach a small steep drop in the land, launching their riders into the air.)
Milo, Melissa, and Zack: Woooooooow!
(Zack and Melissa land in piles of hay bales while Milo hooks a water spout of a water tank with a lacrosse stick.)
Milo: Yaaaahah. It's a good thing I had this lacrosse stick.
(The rope holding the water spout breaks and Milo is lowered to the ground as water pours into a trough for their horses to drink.)
Zack: What is a masked bandit even doing on a dude ranch?
Melissa: Well, he can't get away with that at the outlet mall.
(The bandit approaches them on horseback and takes off her mask to reveal a young girl who Zack immediately develops a crush on.)
Jackie: Hi, I'm Jackie. I pull that with all our guests. Did I get your hearts racing?
Milo: Yes indeed.
Melissa: Sure did.
Zack: Haha, a little.
Jackie: That's how I like it. After all, I am the great great great great great granddaughter of calamity Jane.
Milo: Really? I'm the great great great great grandson of the original Murphy, of Murphy's law.
Jackie: Never heard of it.
Jackie: Yeah, I make a point of not knowing any laws.
Milo: Well, it just means that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, around me.
Jackie: Awesome. You guys want my version of the tour.
Milo: Heh well, I , I don't know. Ah, the two of us together?
Melissa: Yeah we, uh, already hit our danger quota, right Zack?
(Zack stares transfixed at Jackie as she throws back her hair.)
Zack: I wasn't saying that. Why would I say that? I love danger. Danger is in my blood. It's my fuel. Danger is my middle name. Well it's Milo's middle name, but it could be my middle name, I could change it. Eeh hehe heh.
(Jackie leaves and Zack immediately follows.)
Melissa: I'm afraid we've lost him.
(Sara arrives at a paddock.)
Sara: Oooo, yeah yeah yeah. I think this is the exact pasture they used. (She takes a photo then gasps.) That is the exact hay. (She takes a picture of the hay.) Oh, those are the exact cows! Moo. Moo. Yep. Yep. Hey, I know you guys. Say cheese. (She takes a picture of the cows.) Or maybe that's rude to say to a cow?
Wally: Yeah, they look like the same cows.
Kris: We saw your post. We came right away.
Wally: Of course, as the official moderators of the Doctor Zone fan site, we will have to verify the authenticity before we post anything.
(Josh arrives in full Doctor Zone costume.)
Josh: Hey guys. Wait, I thought... I thought we were dressing up.
(Jackie, Zack, Milo, and Melissa are climbing a high mountain with their horses)
Zack: So uh, what school do you go to? What grade are you in? I've gone to a lot of different schools so...
Jackie: Well, I was being home schooled, but I got kicked out. Rattlesnake?
Zack: Oh, sure.
(Jackie hands Zack a rattle snake)
Jackie: Don't suck on it, there's still venom in those fangs.
Zack: Oh, heh, good thing you said something, hehe. Nang nang nang. (Zack jokingly imitates eating the rattlesnake)
Melissa: I don't know if we should go up here.
Milo: Why not?
Melissa: Because of all these signs saying "don't go up here". "Rock slide possible"?
Milo: Well Zack doesn't seem worried, and he's the cautious one.
(Zack does some stunts on top of his horse)
Jackie: Oh, don't worry about the signs. They just say possible. How often does the worst thing that could happen actually happen?
Zack: Yeah we'll be fine.
(A small rock falls onto a lot of loose rocks right above them and a rockslide makes their horses bolt)
(They all fall off their horses and rocks quickly block the path ahead and behind them)
Zack: Oh no.
Milo: Out on the branch.
(They all walk onto a branch hanging over the cliff to escape the rockslide. A boulder hits the branch and it breaks off, falling down the cliff and flinging everyone to a small isolated outcrop just below the path)
All: Wow! Oof!
Jackie: Ah! I can't believe the rockslide actually happened!
Melissa: My butte believes it.
Jackie: What a rush!
(Milo is able to get a rope ladder secured to the remains of the branch and they all climb back up to the path)
Melissa: So, back to camp for smores?
Jackie: No. We've got more adventuring to do.
Zack: Yeah, more that.
Jackie: Scorpion pop? (She hands Zack a scorpion pop) You can suck this one.
Zack: Oh, hehe. (Zack pretends to eat it) mmmm.
(Jackie continues on and Zack follows her, throwing the scorpion pop away)
Melissa: I was hoping the cliff was the finale.
Milo: You can't keep danger away, but why seek it out?
Melissa: I remember when Zack used to say stuff like that.
Milo: Yeah. Way back this morning.
(Zack, Jackie, Melissa, and Milo are practicing throwing a lasso around bull dummies. Zack attempts a throw but it falls short)
Jackie: Hey Boy Band, a little more wrist if you want to rope that dummy.
(Milo throws his lasso and gets it around some bull horns)
Jackie: Way to go Danger Zone,
Milo: I work with rope a lot.
(They realise that the bull Milo has lassoed is real. It breaks it's chain and runs at them)
Melissa: Uh Milo, that's no dummy.
Jackie: Now this is a rodeo.
Milo: Everyone split up.
(Melissa and Jackie are able to make it to the top floor of the barn. Zack jumps into a barrel that the bull pushes over. Milo climbs a windmill which he then goads the bull to hit with a red cape. As the windmill falls he is able make it to the barn and join Zack and the others. The bull becomes entrapped in the fallen windmill.)
Milo: Well, that was a close call, although I'm sure he's harmless.
Jackie: Nope, he's a killer. But I assumed the shackle would hold him.
Milo: Well, you know what they say about assuming...
Melissa: Makes a bull's lunch out of you and me.
Jackie: Next activity!
Zack: Yeah, I can't wait!
Melissa: Looks like one dummy got roped for a whole afternoon.
(The Doctor Zone fans are photographing every section of the nearby barn. One fan gets his photo taken by Josh in front of a wall, and is quickly pushed aside by Sara)
Sara: Now me in front of it.
(Josh takes her photo and she is pushed on by Wally)
Wally: Now me in front of it.
(Wally gets his photo taken and it pushed on by Kris)
Kris: Now me in front of it.
(Kris gets her photo taken and then turns to admire the wall some more. Josh takes another look at a shot from the episode with Doctor Zone and Time Ape standing in front of a wooden wall)
Josh: Are you sure? I mean this could be any wall.
Sara: Josh, why can't you accept it? This is the actual wall.
Kris: Remember when the wall was like there, in the background, out of focus.
Sara: The waaallllll.
(Jackie, Zack, Melissa, and Milo ford a shallow river)
Milo: Here's some of that serenity we were talking about.
Jackie: I thought you'd like it.
Zack: That, is so, thoughtful, of you.
(Dark clouds quickly cross the sky as thunder rolls)
Melissa: Are those storm clouds going to be a problem? Maybe we shouldn't tempt fate!
Jackie: Well you know what they say, tempting fate is like a rainbow, it's too beautiful not to want to slide down like a Leprecon.
Melissa: No one has ever said that.
Milo: Let's try to get to shore before... (It starts rainging) it starts raining.
Zack: Tch, no big.
(Everyone is swept downstream by a deep, fast moving river)
Zack: Deal breaker! Waaaah!
(Milo opens his backpack and starts throwing out objects)
Milo: Steering wheel, piggy bank. Look out. Sharp boulder.
Jackie: Wohow! Ain't this a blast.
Zack: No! This is not a blast!
(Milo is able to inflate a small rubber dingy and get out a paddle)
Milo: Everyone, stay close.
(Melissa and Zack grab hold of his paddle)
Jackie: Wee. Look at me go!
Milo: Jackie. The waterfall!
(Jackie looks around at the waterfall she is heading towards and starts trying to swim the other way)
Jackie: Wooow! Wooow!
(The dingy becomes lodged in some rocks)
(The piggy bank falls off the waterfall and smashes. Milo is able to find a rope and throws a lasso around Jackie just before she goes over the edge.)
Milo: Hold on. I've got'ch... wow!
(Milo is pulled out of the dingy and Jackie falls over the waterfall, but is saved as Milo grabs onto his steering wheel, which is lodged on an overhanging branch. Everyone makes it to shore.)
Melissa: Thanks Milo.
Zack: Yeah, thanks.
Jackie: Cool. Time for target practice. Last one there is the target.
(Jackie runs on)
Zack: Yeeaaah... Sooo... That girls crazy right?
Melissa: Welcome back.
Milo: Thank goodness.
Zack: I guess, I just wasn't seeing Jackie as she really is.
Milo: Well, to be fair, when she was first charging at us with a bandit mask on, she seemed uh... less insane?
Melissa: Nah, she was always crazy.
(Sara scoops dirt into some jars and hands them out while the other fans look on)
Sara: And through some of you may have doubted me, Josh, my instincts never let me down. I knew this was the very dirt where they shot Doctor Zone.
Javier: Shot him? No sir. Doctor Zone's our favourite race horse. We'd never shoot him. Though he is getting long in the tooth.
Kris: A horse!
Sara: Oh but he said Doctor Zone. I just assumed...
Kris: Wait, I thought you said this was the dirt. You mean this is just dirt?
Wally: Thanks for wasting our time Sara.
(Everyone walks off)
Sara: Wait, wait! A race horse named Doctor Zone. That's worth nothing, right? (Sara dodges a jar of dirt) Uhk, photo op. uuh. (Doctor Zone starts nibbling her hair) Huh.
(Zack, Milo, and Melissa stand at the entrance to the ranch in old western clothes that are too big for them with Jackie)
Melissa: Well, that was a delightful day.
(Milo's parents drive up to pick them up with their car full of various objects)
Martin: Loaned clothes after a disaster ruined yours?
Milo: Yep. Stuff you broke and had to buy?
Brigette: Yep. Thankfully at half price.
(Zack gets in the car)
Jackie: Bye Boy Band.
Zack: Bye Cool Ranch. Stay safe.
Jackie: Not likely.
(They get back to the city limits)
Milo: ... Sara!
Brigette: (gasp) Why do I keep forgetting about her?
(They turn the car around)
Sara: Well, I guess the shooting location of episode 576 remains an unsolved mystery.
Javier: Oh no. They filmed that episode here. Why do you think we named this horse Doctor Zone.
(Sara quickly grabs an enthusiastic selfie with Doctor Zone and a startled Javier)
(The Murphy's pull up at the ranch again as Sara approaches)
Sara: ♪ Oh yeah! ♪
♪ I knew it. I was right ♪
♪ I said knew it, I was right ♪
(Milo and Zack jump out and herd Sara into the car as she continues to look over her phone and sing)
♪ I knew it ♪
♪ Oh hey, oh yeah. I knew it ♪
♪ I knew it. I was right ♪