(The scene is the docks. Milo, Zack, and their fathers are seen at the docks, walking to their boat. Dakota can be seen operating a pistachio cart.)
Mr. Underwood: Thanks again for inviting us, Martin. It's good getting to know people in town.
Martin: Glad you came along. Should be fun.
Zack: I hope so. (to his father) I'm a little nervous about heading out in a sinkable vessel with both Milo and Milo's dad.
Mr. Underwood: (chuckles) Oh, son. Every time he comes home with a rip in his jeans or covered in "Pterodactyl blood," he credits it to some Murphy family curse.
Martin: (chuckles) Yeah.
Milo: Mr. Underwood, I can assure you that Murphy's Law is real. But I'm sure everything will work out okay.
Zack: Then why do we have eleven life jackets for the four of us?
Milo: Mathematically, it gives three of us two-and-a-half second chances!
Zack: Well, that's quasi-comforting, I guess.
(Milo sees a pistachio cart being maned by Dakota and stops.)
Milo: Hey, I'll catch up. I'm gonna get some snacks.
(Milo runs to the pistachio cart.)
Milo: Four bags of pistachios, please.
Dakota: Hey, it's you again. Kid from the opera.
(Dakota reaches into the cart to get four bags of pistachios.)
Milo: Oh, yeah! And at the Dr. Zone premiere too, right? I'm Milo. Milo Murphy.
Dakota: Vinnie Dakota. Nice to meet you.
Milo: Nice to meet you. What a coincidence! And thanks for the pistachios!
(Milo pays for the pistachios, takes the bags, and leaves.)
Dakota: Yeah, a coincidence...
(A swordfish bursts out from under the dock, attacks the pistachio cart, and dives back into the water.)
Dakota: A swordfish? In freshwater?
(Cavendish comes running in, holding an envelope.)
Cavendish: This is it! From headquarters. Fi—
(Cavendish notices that the cart is gone.)
Cavendish: Where's the cart?
Dakota: Well, there was this swordfish —
Cavendish: In freshwater?
Dakota: I know, right?
Cavendish: Never mind that. (takes a paper out of the envelope) Our new assignment.
Dakota: Every time I see that kid...
Cavendish: (reads) "Wait for the container ship from Tunisia." Ooh, Tunisia! Sounds exotic. "And protect — the — pistachios." (slumps, disappointed) You know, I was aware that this was not the most glamorous of assignments, but dagnabit! I didn't study time travel for twenty cycles to end up as a blasted nut cart operator! I joined up to save the world!
Dakota: I joined up to prevent the Mississippi Purchase.
Cavendish: You — mean the Louisiana Purchase?
Dakota: You're welcome.
Cavendish: This will not stand. (takes a device like a mobile phone out of his coat pocket) Prepare yourself, Dakota; it is time to call the future. (opens it) Let's see; what was that number? Ah yes. (taps a button and holds the device to his ear) It was 4. (listens for a moment, then closes it) Mm-hm! (puts it away) Battery is dead.
Dakota: I may know somebody with an inter-temporal communicator. Come on.
(Milo, Zack, Martin, and Mr Underwood are fishing on the yacht, Murphy's Yaw. Milo casts his line, but his hook snags on Mr Underwood's hat, and it lands in the water.)
(Seagulls flock to it and tear it apart.)
Mr Underwood: Oh, that's not a curse. That's just inexperience casting. (prepares to cast) Let me show you. Nice and easy. (he casts) You see?
(A swordfish jumps up out of the water, takes Mr Underwood's fishing rod in its mouth, and dives back in.)
Mr Underwood: Isn't this freshwater?
Zack: And so it begins.
(Cut to a building where a party is being held. Cavendish and Dakota, along with several couples, are walking up to it.)
Dakota: Here we are.
Cavendish: (as they walk in) So you're telling me that there is an inter-temporal communicator here?
(A waiter walks by carrying a tray full of pigs-in-blankets.)
Dakota: Yup. (Dakota takes some)
Cavendish: At this party?
Dakota: Hey, look! Piggies-in-a-blanket! (He eats one and then points to Brick and Savannah) There! Over there.
Cavendish: Brick and Savannah, of course! Fellow time-travellers! They'll have one.
Savannah: Ugh! What are they doing here?
Cavendish: Brick, Savannah, normally I wouldn't ask this of you, but it seems that the batteries on my in— Wait a moment! You get tuxedos?
Brick: Yes, and you get... (looks Cavendish and Dakota over) high school theatre costumes?
Cavendish: Heh, it's all the past; we decided to go with the Seventies.
Savannah: Yes, but one of you is from the Nineteen Seventies and one from the Eighteen Seventies.
Cavendish: Really? Which one am I? (looks himself over)
Dakota: Look, we're kind of in a pinch here. See, there was this swordfish, and when we tried to use the battery, it was dead. The battery, not the swordfish. (Brick looks up at a man with a briefcase trying to get past two guards; they let him through) So we're just wondering if it would be possible for us to use your inter-temporal communicator.
Brick: (as Dakota continues talking; puts his finger to his ear) They're on the move.
Savannah: (with her finger to her ear) Copy that.
(They run off after the man with the brief case.)
Dakota: Hey! Why don't we get earpieces?
Cavendish: We're standing right next to each other.
Dakota: Yeah, so were they.
Cavendish: (goes after Brick and Savannah) Oh, come on!
First guard: But, be sure to add a little margarine to the butter. That way it won't burn.
Second guard: Yeah? (Savannah tackles the first guard.) Wait! So when do I add the flour?
(Brick punches him. Savannah starts fighting the man with the brief case. He catches Savannah's fists and chuckles, but Savannah kicks him in the jaw, and he falls to the ground. Dakota and Cavendish step over the man with the brief case as they follow them)
Dakota: Well, you gotta admit, this is a much cooler mission than we have. (Cut to Brick opening a lock with a pen-shaped gadget.) Ooh, look at that. It's like a pen-key. Spiffy. (The lock opens; Brick, Savannah, Cavendish, and Dakota enter. Brick inspects a painting of a walrus.) Oh, he's an art lover. (Brick pushes a hidden button in one corner of the frame, and the painting retracts to reveal a safe.) Ooh, secret panels, hidden safes. (Brick takes out an automatic combination-lock-picker and sets it to work on the safe.) Oh, come on! They get all the cool stuff!
Cavendish: (approaching Brick) Look, if it's not too much trouble, we would like to borrow your inter-temporal communicator. It's extremely important.
Brick: (mocking Cavendish) "Oh, extremely important!" Important is saving the world. Preserving the future. Stopping World War Five.
Dakota: What happened to World War Three and Four?
Savannah: You're welcome.
Dakota: Nice! Say, do you think it's possible that a guy like me and a girl like you — (Savannah sprays him with a green gas and he falls over) You know, all this does is make me like you more.
(Savannah sprays him more)
Brick: (opens a safe and takes out a vial) Got it. (runs out)
Savannah: (into a communicator in her wrist) Lars, bring the car around.
(A limousine time-travels into the room.)
Cavendish: Your time vehicle is a limousine?
Brick: Of course! What do you have?
Cavendish: Well, you know, it's — it's just, it's just different.
(Cut to Cavendish' and Dakota's time vehicle, an antique compact car. A raccoon tears out one of its headlights. It leans to one side.)
(Cut back to Cavendish, Dakota, Brick, and Savannah. They enter the limo.)
Brick: Next stop: Doctor Grueber's lab, October 1983.
(Cut back to Murphy's Yaw, where Mr Underwood is fishing. He feels a bite and attempts to reel it in.)
Mr Underwood: Finally, a bite! (As he reels it in a pelican takes it away) Hey!
(It perches on the anchor chain spool; he grabs at it and misses. The anchor chain unwinds, and a box of bait falls on his head. Trying to get it off, he stumbles across the boat and falls out of it. Zack and Milo toss him a life preserver and drag him back aboard.)
Mr Underwood: Yeah, okay. Murphy's law, real thing.
Martin: Maybe we should try another spot.
(Martin goes to the outboard motor and starts it. It detaches from the boat and drives back and forth, then it goes to a pier.)
Man on pier: (drops his tackle box) Oh, the humanity! (Runs away from it and falls into the water)
(The motor comes to rest at "MOTORS 4 RENT", where its proprietor is reading a newspaper.)
Proprietor: So how was it fishing, Dolores? (The motor turns over several times.) Good girl.
(Cut back to Murphy's Yaw, where Mr Underwood is staring blankly into space.)
Martin: Don't worry. We've always got a backup plan. (goes over to the mast and hoists the mainsail; the boat moves forward a little) There! You see?
(The mainsail tears off and flies away; they watch it.)
Zack: Whatever can go wrong...
(Pause as they watch it fly around.)
Milo: ... will go wrong.
(Cut to the time limo. Dakota is looking at the on-board aquarium.)
Dakota: You know, you really shouldn't mix your South American and your African cichlids. I made that mistake once. Cost me thirty-four dollars.
Cavendish: I don't see why you lot get all the good stuff. Where's my limo? Where's my fish-tank? Where's my attractive partner?
Dakota: Hey! I'm sitting right here!
Savannah: Look, Cavendish. You're barely even agents. You are the lowest of low-level government employees, paired together because no one else will have you.
Brick: You were given the most inconsequential mission possible: to save the pistachio. A green nut! (He and Savannah don disguises) Only because our boss liked them when he was a kid before they became extinct.
(They arrive; on-screen text says "DR. GRUEBER'S LAB 1983". Lars opens the door for Brick, and he and Savannah exit.)
Brick: So, if you don't want to lose your jobs altogether, you'd better get back to work and make darn sure the pistachio survives till 2085!
Cavendish: (inadvertently knocks a vial out of Brick's hand. Brick tries to catch it) Ha! Hold on just one moment!
(The vial shatters on a storm drain, and its contents drain.)
Savannah: Please tell me it didn't just go into the water system.
Dakota: It went into the water system.
Brick: Do you have any idea what you've just done?! [Cavendish shrinks under Brick's gaze.]
(Cut to "Present Day", as on-screen text says; Elliot is on duty. A giant mutated rat bursts up through the road and yells. Suddenly, everything stops and reverses. The rat returns to its place, the road mends itself, the phial comes back together with its contents and leaps into Brick's hand, and they return to the room from which they time-travelled from in the present.)
Cavendish: Your time vehicle is a limousine?
Brick: Of course! What do you have?
Cavendish: Well, you know, it's — it's just, it's just different. You know what, let's just get in the car.
(Cavendish and Dakota start to board the limo; the Savannah and Brick from 1983 get out of the limo and stops them.)
Alternate Savannah: Oh no you don't! You're not getting in that car again!
Dakota: Why? What?
Alternate Brick: You already went back in time with us once and screwed everything up.
Alternate Savannah: Don't worry; we went back and fixed it. But there's no way we're letting you go muck it up again! (to Savannah) You look great in that dress, by the way. You've been working out.
Savannah: You know I have.
Cavendish: Wait, we're time-travel agents just like you! Why do we not get to —
Alternate Brick: We don't have time to explain this again. Talk to the boss. (tosses Cavendish an inter-temporal communicator)
(Cavendish activates it; "BEGIN TRANSMISSION" appears on its screen, followed by an image of Mr Block.) Mr. Block: Cavendish! What do you want?
Cavendish: Mr Block. Sir, we were hoping to get a different assignment, one more saving-the-world-based and less nut-related.
Mr. Block: Well, I'm looking at this can of mixed nuts, and hmm! I don't see any pistachios! You two were given the most inconsequential assignment we could find, and you still always manage to muck that up! So until I see some green nuts in this can, you're on pistachio duty! Now get back to work!!
(The limo time-travels out leaving Dakota and Cavendish alone)
Dakota: Their limo smells like peppermint.
(Cut back to Murphy's Yaw.)
Milo: We can use these scuba tanks to propel the ship. One on starboard, one on port, (gives thumbs-up) so that way we can steer.
Martin: Knock on wood.
(Martin knocks on part of the ship, which breaks off and dislodges the valve on the starboard scuba tank. It comes free and rockets away, lodging itself in a dam.)
Mr Underwood: You've gotta be kidding me!
Zack: See? See?
(Water erupts from the dam and pushes Murphy's Yaw forth. They all scream.)
Milo: Well, at least we're moving now.
Zack: Now you believe me?
Martin: We're heading straight for that container ship from Tunisia!
(Martin takes the helm and tries to steer them starboard, but the steering wheel breaks.)
Martin: And the steering wheel's broken!
Milo: Hang on, Dad! I've got an idea!
(Cut to Cavendish and Dakota walking on a pier. Cavendish is sulking.)
Dakota: Look on the bright side.
Cavendish: My entire career has been one big, inconsequential joke. Where is the bright side?
Dakota: The pistachio shipment is here and unharmed.
(Cut back to Murphy's Yaw. Milo has tied a rope to the mast.)
Milo: Here, Dad! Wrap this around the steering column!
(Milo gives Martin the end of the rope, and Martin does so, passing it back down. Milo takes it and runs with it.)
Milo: Come on, guys! (runs down the mast and ties the end of the rope to the end of the mast) Everybody lean!
Zack: Come on, Dad! (They push on the mast.) Milo, it's working!
Martin: Coming in hot! Everyone hold on!
(Cut back to Dakota and Cavendish.)
Dakota: Hey. At least it can't get any worse.
(Murphy's Yaw impacts the pier and flies out of the water in slow motion. It flips over as it flies through the air with Milo's head sailing right past Dakota's. In normal motion, the boat crashes into a building with a giant crab on it.)
Crab building waiter: May I take your order?
Milo: Who's hungry?
Mr Underwood: Yeah, I could eat.
Dakota: That's that Milo Murphy I was telling you about! Every time our pistachios get ruined, he's there! Every time!
Dakota: And he almost took out the shipment just then!
Cavendish: That's preposterous.
(The larboard scuba tank falls to earth, breaks off its valve, and flies into the pistachio shipment, obliterating it. Cavendish and Dakota dive out of its way.)
Dakota: (as pistachios rain down) See?
Cavendish: But that would mean — (gasps) He's trying to stop us! He's trying to ruin our mission! Dakota! What we are doing here is not inconsequential! If it's important enough to send a counter-agent, it must be vital!
Dakota: Okay, now you're getting a little —
Cavendish: We are not just nut-guarding nobodies! We are secret spy somebodies with our very own counter-agent!
Dakota: Well, I guess things are looking up.
Cavendish: Just look at him over there, plotting our demise.
(Cut to Martin, Milo, Zack, and Mr Underwood sitting on the ship, eating.)
Milo: I sure love cheese fries!
(With each of three notes of a musical sting, stagger-zoom in to Cavendish looking determinedly and thoughtfully at Milo.)
Cavendish: Oh, this is not over, Milo Murphy. Not by a long shot.
(Cut back to Murphy's Yaw.)
Milo: They're fries with cheese! (eats one)
♪ It’s my world and we’re all living in it ♪