How about a little trip to Bueno Nacho to continue the KP AU? ROLL IT!
We begin at the Danville home of teen hero Melissa Chase. Right now, she's on her Melissa-link, checking the Club Banana website for the latest fashions.
"It's criminal!" the ginger remarked. "Someone at Club Banana has a major case of style denial!"
She then happened upon a trendy green jacket.
"JACKPOT, BABY! This is so totally me!" she celebrated. "Come to Melissa!"
Not so fast, Melissa! Zack just popped up on your screen.
"Melissa, I've got some bad news..." Zack began.
"No kidding. I so can not afford this jacket!"
"I know. I pulled up your bank account...you're busted. Anyway, that's not the worst of it."
"Apparently, my classmate and friend who runs my website has been hacking into my personal records," Melissa responded, completely miffed...and with a gasp. "Did you peek at my journal?"
"Of course not! Anyway, the worse news is that your arch-foe, Dr. Drakken, has just escaped from prison! He and Shego are after a top secret laser drill hidden somewhere in Alaska."
"That's major bad news!"
"Almost as bad as last week at school when you used the boys' bathroom by mistake!"
Wait a second...no one saw that!
"You did peek at my journal, didn't you?"
Zack knew he was busted. "Good luck on the mission!" He quickly said before logging off.
Oh yeah, yeah!
I'm your basic, average girl
and I'm here to save the world
You can't stop me 'cause I'm
There is nothing I can't do
and when danger calls
just know that I am on my way (know that I am on my way)
Doesn't matter where or when there's trouble
If you just call my name
Call me, beep me
if you wanna reach me
When you wanna page me
Whenever you need me, baby
Call Me, Beep Me
if you wanna reach me
Call Me! Beep Me!
If you wanna reach me! (MELISSA!)
Doesn't matter where
Doesn't matter when
I will be there for you 'til the very end
In danger or trouble
I'm there on the double
You know that you always can call...
Melissa: So what's the sitch?
Call Me, Beep Me if you wanna reach me!
Milo, Melissa and Chase had made it to Alaska and were getting a lift to the military base by their friend, Akut. Meanwhile, someone was testing the laser drill...only to be scared by Drakken!
"MOTHER OF PEARL! You scared me half to death!"
With Milo and Melissa now...
"Thanks for the lift, Akut!"
"No problem, Melissa. You saved my life. It's the least I could do to thank you!"
"It was just an itty bitty iceberg! SO NOT THE DRAMA!"
"MELISSA! I'M SNOW-BLIND!" Milo called out as snow had gotten on his goggles.
Melissa was not amused. She quickly cleared the snow away from Milo's goggles. "MILO! You're supposed to be looking for signs of Drakken!"
Milo then caught sight of the laser drill.
"Uh, wouldn't that be majorly suspicious, Melissa?"
"Thank you, Captain Obvious! Keep your eyes open for any..."
Melissa was cut off by the zooming of a snowmobile engine. The pilot of said snowmobile - none other than Shego. And she was wearing Melissa's sought-after green Club Banana jacket!
"The mad scientist's mad partner..." Milo said in a serious voice as Shego threw dog biscuits at Akut's sled to distract the hounds. Melissa bailed and pursued on snowboard. Milo attempted to follow suit...but Murphy's law had other plans as he face-planted into the snow. As Melissa pursued Shego, Drakken and his goons hooked the laser drill to a set of choppers. Melissa and Shego even mocked each other's fashion sense.
"Nice jacket! Club Banana?"
"The very latest!"
"Get a lifestyle, Shego! Green is the new black!"
"And this advice comes to us from a major fashion DON'T in FLEECE!"
As Drakken's goons started to take off with the drill, Shego showed Melissa a bomb.
"It's gonna blow the pipeline, 'Lissie and like, your skin...definitely doesn't need more oil!" Shego remarked, attaching the bomb to her snowmobile and jumping onto the laser drill to join Drakken.
"PITY ON YOU, MELISSA CHASE!" Drakken gloated. "Well done, Shego. Phase 1 is complete!"
Melissa had to act fast. She bailed from her snowboard and veered the snowmobile away from the pipeline and off a cliff...right as it exploded and right as Milo crashed.
"Okay...not one of my better entrances," Milo remarked.
The next morning, Melissa is having breakfast with her rocket scientist father and her brain surgeon mother.
"No, no, no! The launch vectors are all wrong!" Dr. Richard Chase chided himself.
"Good morning, dad!"
"Good morning, princess! How's my teen hero?"
"Moderately bummed. Drakken got away."
"Well, I'm sure you'll get him next time! You always do!"
Melissa then looked at her dad's calculations.
"Why don't you try adjusting the launch vectors 11%?" she asked.
"BRILLIANT, MELISSA!" her dad exclaimed.
Melissa then showed both her mom and dad the jacket. Both said no - they wouldn't get it for her, stating that she already had a perfectly fine red jacket. She tried the Puppy Dog Pout...no effect. That's when the Tweebs showed up.
"DAD!" Phineas and Ferb called out.
"Tweebs, I'm working here!"
"What's the combustion temperature of the J-200 rocket fuel you developed?" Phineas asked.
"47 degrees Celsius," Mr. Dr. Chase told Phineas. "Why do you ask?"
"No reason..." Ferb said sheepishly.
Mrs. Dr. Chase then suggested she get a job at her favorite hangout - Bueno Nacho.
"Between a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon, the best you can come up with is Bueno Nacho?" Melissa furiously asked.
"You practically live there anyway!" Dr. Pepper Chase remarked.
Later that day, at Bueno Nacho #582...
"Come on, Milo! We practically live here anyway!" Melissa tried to encourage her childhood friend.
"Never work where you food, Melissa."
"'Rents were totally neg on simply buying me the jacket."
"Did you try the Puppy Dog Pout?"
"Only did 50% of normal damage," Melissa said, throwing in a Pokemon reference.
"No effect, if I want the jacket, I have to earn it."
"Mad harsh," Milo remarked pouring nachos into his taco shell and wrapping it up.
"What in the world are you eating?"
"Taco meets Nachos - I give you...THE NACO!"
Melissa got a good look at Milo's zany creation...
"I call it weird and gross beyond reason."
"Want some?" Milo asked with a mouthful. Chase, Milo's naked mole rat friend, quickly took a bite of Milo's new creation.
Melissa did the math. 2 weeks of work here and that jacket is hers! They were soon met by the assistant manager - Neal. Melissa tried to impress him with her bilingual skills, but no effect. She was hired on the spot, as was Milo...who had to be coerced by way of the Puppy Dog Pout, alongside Melissa's other signature move - the Doe Eyes.
Their performance, however...differed. Wherever Milo succeeded, Melissa failed. Milo quickly rose through the ranks, soon becoming Neal's 2nd in command. Melissa then gets a hot tip from Zack about seismic activity in Wisconsin.
"Major red flags here, Zack!"
"It gets weirder, Melissa! Epicenter of it all is at the World's Largest Cheese Wheel! And get this! Police reports state that there was a break-in at the Cheese Wheel Mall's Club Banana!" Zack informed.
Only one thing was stolen - leather...green leather. That means SHEGO! Melissa decides to bail on Bueno Nacho and Milo to save the world on her own.
Before she set off, Melissa's back at home on the phone with her mom.
"Mom, I need some motherly support. I just had a fight with Milo. He was all high-horse because I bailed on work and I really need to stop Drakken, but he thinks I quit because I couldn't take him being good at something, which is so pathetic it's not even funny!"
"I need a suture here," Melissa's mom told her team.
Yes...Mrs. Dr. Chase had her daughter on speaker phone.
"MOM! Do you have me on speaker?"
"Sorry, 'Lissie. Got both my hands in a 62 year old man's temporal lobe."
"DANG IT, MOM!"
"Gotta go, honey. See you at dinner! Dad's picking up Nacos!"
Kim's transportation for this mission - another one of her friends, Mr. Parker!
"I can't tell you how grateful I am for this, Mr. Parker!"
"After the way you saved my crop-dusting business, I'm only too happy to help!"
"No big! Going organic was a total no-brainer!"
Mr. Parker turned his plane over, dropping Melissa into the sky. Once she was in the drop zone, she pulled her chute and landed in the World's Largest Wheel of Cheese. Now, you may assume that it's a cheese-covered building...as did Melissa. But no...it's 100% pure Wisconsin Swiss!
"Zack, get this...I'm inside the cheese wheel!"
"Which surprisingly is not a cheese-covered building. It's pure Wisconsin Swiss!"
"So I've heard. Drakken's got the whole mad scientist lair thing down. They love the high ceilings."
Zack smiled in confirmation. "Check your pack, Melissa!"
Melissa dug through her backpack to find...
"A hair dryer? I'm more of a towel-off girl, myself."
"It only LOOKS like a hair dryer," Zack told Melissa.
It was actually a grappling hook disguised as a hair dryer!
"You rock in 4K, Zack!"
Melissa fired her grappling hook at the cheese wheel and rappelled down the side of the building, only to be intercepted by Shego.
"Welcome, 'Lissie! May I take your coat?"
"You already did...but don't worry - It'll look better on ME!" Melissa quipped as she took out the henchmen. However, she was quickly captured by more of Drakken's goons.
"Face it, Cupcake...fashion's not the only thing where I'm a step ahead of you..."
Kim was tied up to the cheese wheel as Dr. Drakken ascended into view. His plan - use the stolen laser drill to tap into the molten magma deep beneath the Earth's crust, then use it to destroy Wisconsin and rebuild it into the Kingdom of Drakkenville.
Back at Bueno Nacho, Milo had overtaken Neal as Assistant Manager...just in time for Melissa to need his help. Now he had a choice - his job as Assistant Manager or his best friend.
"There is no choice. I guess it's time for me to say...Adios, Bueno Nacho."
And with that, Milo left for Wisconsin. He had half an hour to join Melissa and stop Drakken.
Once in Wisconsin, he made his way inside the Cheese Wheel to where Melissa was...only to be nabbed by Shego.
"I gooned on Assistant Manager powers, MC. You were right," Milo confessed.
"And I did resent your techniques, Milo," Melissa responded. "You're entitled to excel. Forgive?"
"Duh! Forgive me?"
"Aw, isn't that cute...friends again just in time to be fried in magma!" Drakken mockingly quipped just as the laser drill hit magma.
"Drill's hit magma, Dr. D.!" Shego alerted Drakken.
"Fire up the MAGMACHINE and activate the Magma Pump!"
Drakken had begun to pump the magma from beneath the Earth's crust just as Chase popped out of Milo's pocket.
"Chase! Push the button!" Melissa whispered. Chase ran up Milo's shirt and pushed the silver button, releasing Milo and Melissa.
"Here's the plan, Milo. You get to the laser drill - I'll handle Shego. You've got a giant wheel of cheese - BE CREATIVE!"
Milo smiled. "It will be my masterpiece!"
"Be careful," Milo and Melissa said in unison.
"JINX! You owe me a soda!" Melissa called out.
"DANG IT! I hate it when you do that!"
Melissa and Milo's escape takes Drakken by surprise as his laser drill malfunctions, turning the World's Largest Wheel of Cheese...into a pile of Velveeta as Melissa battles Shego.
"Don't tell me that this place is actually made of cheese! I thought it was a cheese-covered building!"
"MELISSA!" Milo called out as Melissa's battle with Shego raged on. One of the boxes exploded, causing Shego to fall into the melted cheese.
Melissa launched her grappling hook hair dryer into the cheese, grabbing Milo and bailing out as the World's Largest Wheel of Cheese melted entirely.
"THIS...IS NOT...OVER, MELISSA CHASE!" Drakken declared as he and Shego were trapped in the cheese.
Outside, Milo, Melissa and the tourists who came for the cheese wheel marveled at Milo's work.
"Drakken's plan is so foiled!"
"It's so over! I call it 'BAD GUY CON QUESO'."
Later that day at Bueno Nacho...
"What's wrong, MC? You won!"
"I'm very happy, Milo..." Melissa sarcastically remarked.
"You don't sound like it," Milo contradicted.
"Okay, I know this is gonna sound mega shallow, but I saved the world and I'm no closer to owning that Club Banana jacket!"
"Maybe..." Milo started. "...MAYBE NOT!" the jinx said as he handed Melissa a box with the Club Banana logo on it. Inside...was a green leather jacket in Melissa's size.
"How did you..."
"My Naco Bonus was muy bueno..."
"I LOVE IT!" Melissa said, hugging her best friend. The joy would be short-lived as Neal came out wearing the same jacket that Milo just gave Melissa.
"What in the world are you wearing, Neal?"
"Somebody left this picture over the cheese machine and I just had to have it!" Neal explained, holding up the picture of the green leather jacket. "VIVA ME!"
And that was 'Bueno Nacho'! Next up, it's off to Cambodia...as MONKEY FIST STRIKES!