Long ago, somewhere deep in the jungle…
Well, actually, next to the jungle, so not in the jungle, actually in the vill…
OW!
The film paused and Kuzco came out, wearing a festive Navidad sweater, embroidered with a green stitched Llama.
As ever, he was breaking the fourth wall.
But, like, are you complaining?
“Heh, um, Hi there! It’s ME, the new and improved Emperor Kuzco! I mean, I wasn’t half bad back in the last movie, but I’m better now! 2.0! WOO!”
Beginning to dance, Kuzco then realized he was distracting away from the story.
“Heh… My bad. Anyhow, the narrator was doing a pretty bad job, so I’m taking over and replacing him with a way more functional one! So, sit back and enjoy…”
Suddenly, one of Kuzco’s guards ran in and slipped him a note.
“Uh huh. Uh huh.”
Kuzco scratched his chin as he read the note.
“I see…”
Giving it back to the guard, he shooed him off and returned his gaze onto the viewers.
“Well, the bad news is that the narrator got into a pickle, of sorts…”
Meanwhile, in a different part of the empire, a bespectacled man inside a giant pickle was whining.
“I did NOT order a giant pickle, and I did NOT ask to be stuffed in it!”
“Well, why didn’t you tell me before I did all those things?”, the delivery man asked.
Kuzco, now back in our view, sighed.
“You just can’t get good narrators these days. Well, the good news is that KRONK will do the honors!”
“Is that good news?”, a guard asked from off screen.
“You got anyone better?”, Kuzco asked, and the guard shook his head.
“Exactly, so let’s just TRY to get by with what we have!”
Running off screen, Kuzco returned, barely lifting the absoulute unit that is Kronk.
Putting him down with a thud, he took a moment to breath before presenting the new narrator.
“And BOOM BABY! Kronk!”
He whispered in his ear. “PLEASE don’t mess this up!”
Kronk shot a finger gun and winked. “Oh, don’t worry! I’ve got this!”
Kuzco shot finger guns back, and leapt out the window.
“Hey, that window had feelings!”, someone called out.
“I knew you were seeing someone, Greg!”, another person called out.
Then a slap was heard, but it didn’t call out, cause slaps can’t do that.
THE MORE YOU KNOW.
Kronk, adjusting a pair of eyeglasses, cleared his throat and continued narrating.
“Ok, let’s get this story started! Ahem. Once upon a time, in the villaige where Pacha lived, which I think has a name, but right now it eludes me…”
Kronk stared into the distance. “…Spooky…”
Resuming his gaze on the book, he resumed narrating.
“Anyhow, back at Pacha’s place, things were mighty cozy!”
Pacha’s house appeared, all warm and bright, and as the door opened, we were invited in to see all the delights to be had!
“Chestnuts were roasting…”
Bucky the Squirrel roasted nuts over the fire, and a Panther roasted the local lunatic of the village.
“Turkey’s were basting…”
In the kitchen, Chaca and Tipo basted the turkey all across the room, the turkey letting out wails of pain to hopefully never be heard again.
“Carolers were caroling…”
A group of villagers could be seen outside Pacha’s house, singing Christmas carols.
“…Except for Carol, she was taking a holiday at ACAPULCO!”
A snapshot of an elderly woman getting a tan at a resort, with a shark jumping in to swallow her appeared.
“…Cozy…”
“Anyway, things were mighty cheerful! In fact, things were just about perfect!”
Kronk turned a page.
“But, it turned out, something was missing for Pacha, which was why he was sitting outside next to the llamas, feeling blue.”
Kronk shut the book suddenly, looking surprised.
“No one told me Pacha was sad! I better go in there and help!”
“Kronk, the story happened a few weeks ago, remember?”
Kronk slowly nodded, grinning. “Oh yeah! My bad! On with the story!”
Back in the story, Pacha sat down, feeling gloomy.
It wasn’t that anything in particular was bothering him. Why, just a few months ago, his entire village was saved thanks to the epic and hilarious journey (PLEASE WATCH IT, IT BE THE BEST) that he took with Emperor Kuzco…
His friend.
Pacha sighed, petting Misty, his llama, and reminecsing over old times.
A cold wind blew, and he rubbed hands to stay warm.
The snow would arrive any minute, and he’d have to go back inside and pretend to be jolly.
But again, something was missing.
Looking around, almost hoping to find it, Pacha suddenly noticed the summer house Kuzco lived in when he was staying over.
Chuckling, Pacha couldn’t help but get nostalgic.
If you would have told him that back when he first met the narcassitic and vain teenage emperor, he would have thought you were mad.
Especially if you were Kenny, the village nut who was being roasted over a fire.
Say hi, Kenny!
“HI KENNY!”, he waved.
But, truth be told…
Pacha sighed, shaking his head as he thought of all the times Kuzco acted like an idiot, and of all the times he made up for it by being his friend.
…He missed the little guy.
Suddenly, his big stubby fingers were held by a decidedly softer hand.
“...Oh, hey Chicha! What are you doing out here, all the fun’s inside?”, Pacha asked, hoping not to drag his wife into his funk.
Chicha was many things, but an idiot she was not.
“You miss him, don’t you?”
Pacha almost laughed, he knew that he could never hide anything from her.
Looking down at his hands, he closed his eyes.
“I thought he’d at least send a card…”
“He’s been very busy, to be fair. Every few weeks, Izma shows up doing something weird. Not to mention actually being the emperor now and having to deal with all that administration stuff.”
Pacha nodded, though it didn’t make him feel better.
“I know, and I’m proud of him, don’t misunderstand.”
Chicha smiled as Pacha looked into the distance and thought of Kuzco.
“It’s just… He’s like family to me. It doesn’t feel the same without him.”
Chicha wrapped her arms around him and caressed his cheek. “Well, maybe we can arrange a visit tomorrow, you know? I’m sure he’d say yes!”
“I doubt he’d say no! He hates all the hard work, even though he’s been doing his best.”, Pacha said, smiling nostalgically.
Kissing his cheek, Chicha reentered the house. “You don’t have to come in yet, but don’t forget that you’re part of your family too.”
Pacha nodded. “Don’t worry, I’ll come in. I just… I just need 5 minutes.”
A few minutes later, Pacha was standing on a hilltop, staring out into the distance at the Emperor’s castle.
The air stood still, and the night was surprisingly comfortable.
Pacha took a deep breath, feeling surprisingly at peace.
“It looks nice, doesn’t it?”
“AAAGGHH!”, Pacha screamed, before realizing it was just another guy (albeit, another guy dressed up VERY warmly. He could barely see his face).
“Oh… Uh… I guess it does.”
“Don’t lie to me, you KNOW you liked it!”, the guy said, sounding a little braggy, before receeding into a “I mean, it looks nice.”
“…Yeah… It does…”
Pacha had a feeling he knew the man next to him, but instead of saying something, he just put on a wry smile and resumed his gaze.
“Got someone there?”, the man asked.
“Like what?”, Pacha retorted.
“Oh, you know, someone special. People don’t usually linger their gaze at things unless they really want something.”
Pacha nodded. “Oh, I know what you mean. And yes… I do have someone special over there.”
“I mean, I already knew that, but it’s nice to hear.”
“You’re welcome.”
They continued standing there.
Silence.
But again, Pacha smiled.
“Any reason you’re not at the castle?”
Kuzco didn’t hide for long.
“I wish! We’ve got a whole festival to arrange, I’ve got to try a ton of food to see if it’s “worthy of the holiday”, and that’s not even including all the clothes I have to try on!”
“Gruelling.”, Pacha joked, and Kuzco raised an eyebrow.
“Well, no one should work on the holiday. I’m also making sure everyone has a great dinner!”
Pacha smiled warmly and patted the teen’s back.
“I was just kidding. I know you’re doing your best.”
Kuzco nodded and a twinkle was in his eye. “You know, once I would have hated this, and in a way I still do, but… It’s nice, doing the right thing.”
“It is…”
A wave of sadness washed over them.
“I… I need to go. I really only came for a short break, it’s unfair of me to stay.”
Pacha understood, and shook his hand. “I must say… I’m proud of your behavior. In a way… It’s the only present I need for the holiday.”
Kuzco nodded, before suddenly embracing the man.
“I’ll try to arrange for tomorrow so I can visit. I’ve… I’ve missed you.”
Pacha grinned, and as the two friends embraced, he said…
“So have I, my funny little friend. So have I…”